"One More Time..." by Jerry D. Withers (Furrball T. Cat) (sheplives@hotmail.com) ============================================================================== AUTHOR'S NOTES: Would you believe this story took FIVE YEARS to write? Well, too bad, cos it did. I had the beginning and ending down as far back as July 17, 2000, but I drew a complete blank when it came to tying everything together. It was only recently that the fog lifted and I realized the problem was staring me in the puss the whole time (namely, what was it the CGIs [whom you'll meet later in the story] were plotting?) The solution turned out to give the tale a darker tone than I'd originally intended. Sorry 'bout that. (There's also a couple of mild oaths from our favorite rat babe. Sorry again. Hey, you want light entertainment? I suggest you read "Acme Acres County Fair." Man, that Fowlmouth... ) Okay. Back to the story, where we move in time to July, 1997. Ruby has finally graduated from Acme Loo. To quote from the ending of the film 'The Candidate', "Now what?" Well, howzabout this? Let the saga continue... ============================================================================== -0- Roderick Rat felt extremely nervous as he approached the office of the Perfecto Prep Board of Regents. He was sure that, no matter how he tried to disguise that fact, it was extremely obvious. He wondered why they had requested his presence at all. In the past, anything they had to say to him was usually done through impersonal means, such as phone calls, memos, emails, etc. This was the very first time they had ever requested he appear before them personally. It was not only that which made him nervous, but also the fact that they insisted upon complete secrecy. Nobody else was to know about this meeting. _Nobody_. He found himself at the end of a long hallway, staring at two large doors. Attached to each was a large, ornate brass knocker that, he reasoned, must be as old as the school itself. He reached for one and was surprised at how heavy it was. It slipped out of his grasp and fell against the door with a *BANG!* that could have deafened anyone within earshot (a fact Roddy could attest to by holding his ears in pain). Slowly, the doors opened to reveal a darkened room lit by torches, and an organ playing a Bach fugue. He found himself looking down a long mahogany table, around which was seated the entire Perfecto Board of Regents. "Roderick Rat?" one of them hissed malevolently from the dark. "(Gulp!) Yes, sir," he said, hoping they hadn't heard that gulp. "Come in. We've been expecting you," hissed another voice, as the door suddenly closed behind him of its own accord. Roddy stood rooted to the spot; but if he'd had his way, he would have emulated the love of his life, Rhubella, and jumped clear up to the ceiling. "We have a proposition for you..." -0- At the same time, Rhubella was returning home after several weeks away, and it was clear to even the most casual observer (in this case, her mother) that she was not in a very good mood. Rhonda's first clue was when Ruby slammed the door so hard that the living room shook. The second was when she hurled her valise with great force like a champion shot-putter. Fortunately, it landed just outside her bedroom door with a 'plop', so structural damage, on the whole, was minimal at best. Even so, Rhonda's "Welcome home, dear" was delivered with a great deal of trepidation. She knew that any further inquiry as to how Rhubella's tryouts had gone would have to be delivered by a third party (one who had, say, grown extremely tired of life, for instance). Ruby muttered something incomprehensible, stormed up to her room, and, after opening the door and hurling the unfortunate valise (which was _really_ getting a workout) inside, where (miracle of miracles) it again landed harmlessly with a 'plop', stormed inside, muttered another incomprehensible phrase, slammed the door, and then screamed loudly. Rhonda, being Rhonda, had thought she'd seen Ruby at her worst before, but this display surpassed even that. Still, she'd be darned if she was going to be afraid of her own daughter. She heaved a deep sigh, climbed up the stairs, and knocked on Ruby's door. "Rhubella, are you all right?" She turned the knob and found it unlocked. Cautiously, she peered inside. The room was, to her surprise and relief, immaculate; and Ruby was in her usual sulking position, stretched out face down on her bed, with her face buried in her pillow, crying her eyes out. After a few more minutes of this, Ruby came up for air. "I can't believe they wouldn't let me on the team just because I'm a _toon_," she grumbled. "That's gotta be discrimination of some sort, isn't it?" "Well, dear, I guess it is... who were you trying out for again?" "The Seattle SuperSonics..." "Um... yeah... perhaps your being a toon had nothing to do with..." "Look, Mom, I know you're trying to be helpful," Ruby sniffed, "but right now I just need to be left alone..." "I know, dear," Rhonda sighed, heading towards the door. "I'll be downstairs if you need me..." As she made her way out, Rhonda reflected that being Rhubella's mother was sometimes _not_ the easiest job in the world... -0- "What sort of proposition did you have in mind?" Roddy asked, after regaining his composure. "Well, we've been studying your progress over the last few years," hissed a third voice. "You're greedy, manipulative, rotten to the core, always searching for the easy solution without having to work hard; in short, you have little or no redeeming qualities whatsoever." Roddy got the feeling they were stopping just short of calling him Plucky. "Your point being?" "Well, young Roderick, any place else, these would be considered serious detriments; but here, they're an absolute boon! In fact, if you do have any redeeming qualities at all, it's your fierce dedication to the principles Perfecto has long held to." "_What_ principles?" Roddy shot back with a smirk. "Precisely. I suppose you know we have a vacancy in the Perfecto administration; and after much discussion amongst ourselves, it has been decided that you would be the ideal choice to fill it." Actually, he didn't know. Nonetheless, he tried not to act surprised. "Oh? What vacancy is that?" he asked, casually. "Tell me, Roderick," hissed yet another voice, pausing for emphasis before delivering the message, "how does the title 'Dean Roderick Rat' strike you?" Roddy's eyes grew wide, and his jaw almost dropped to the ground, but he remembered that he had to exercise the utmost self-control with these people. "What happened to Dean Rusque?" A disapproving murmur swept through the room, and Roddy suddenly got the feeling that if they were indeed serious, then he'd just blown the biggest chance of his life. "Nothing that needs concern you," yet still another voice hissed ominously, as if that should be explanation enough. For Roddy, it would have to be. "Well, Roderick, do you accept, or do we offer the position to someone less... qualified?" "Are you kidding? There's _nobody_ less qualified... er... heh heh, yes, of course! When do I start?" "Officially, first Monday in September. We're telling you now so you can get used to it. Now, if you'll go to the media center, one of our staff will prepare you for the press conference." "Press conference?" "Oh, just the usual stuff. A small announcement that you'll be taking over the position, no questions, it's more a photo opportunity than anything else..." Roddy left the Regents, and soon found a shapely young blonde in a loose-fitting tank top and skirt accompanying him to the green room. He recognized her immediately. Leona Lioness. The one who'd fouled that idiot Elmyra into the bleachers during that basketball game last year. "Right this way, Dean Roddy, and congratulations," she smiled, shaking his paw. "Er, thank you, Leona." "I see you haven't forgotten me," she said, seating Roddy in a chair and studying his features, while giving him more than ample opportunity to study _hers_. "Hmmm... let me bring the light over this way," she said, moving an overhead swivel lamp a few inches from his face. "Well," she declared, swiveling it back into position, "it seems you've got one of those 'camera ready' faces..." "Meaning what, exactly?" "You're not going to need make-up." "I don't *wear* make-up..." Leona rolled her eyes skyward. "*Men*! Well, enough dawdling. Your public awaits..." Leona said, leading him towards Perfecto's press room. -0- A short time later, Buster and Babs Bunny were strolling through Acme Park when Plucky Duck and Hamton J. Pig ran up to them. "Hey, Buster, Babs," Plucky asked, "did you hear the news?" "What news?" asked Buster Bunny. "There's good rockin' tonight?" chimed Babs Bunny. Plucky ignored her and continued. "Very funny. No, ol' Roddy's been made the Dean of Perfecto Prep!" "Heh! I always _knew_ he'd come to no good eventually," Buster laughed. "Now come on, what's your news, really?" "I'm telling you, it's _true_!" "Sure, sure, Plucky, tell me another one..." Buster waved the silly green duck off. "I get the feeling they don't believe me," Plucky muttered to Hamton. "Would _you_?" Hamton responded. "Well, no... but that's not the point," Plucky replied, already exasperated, before spotting another familiar face. "All right, you doubting Thomases, what would you say to one of the media?" he hinted ominously, as Mary Melody dashed over to them. "*These* days? Get that [CENSORED!] camera out of my face!!" Babs shouted. Fowlmouth, passing by at that moment, stopped, stared, held up a giant card with a "10" on it, and presented Babs with a chocolate gold medal. "No comment," commented Buster cheerfully. "What's up, Mary?" "I don't believe it," Mary said disbelievingly. "Roderick Rat's been made Dean of Perfecto Prep!" "There! _Now_ do you believe it?" Plucky challenged. "Come on, Mary," Buster chortled. "How much is Plucky paying you to pull this gag off?" "Er, Buster," Babs noted, "rethink what you just said. In the first place, Mary's got way too much integrity to make up news stories, and in the second place, where would Plucky get _that_ kind of dough?" The blue bunny had to admit that his wife's argument had a certain amount of logic to it, yet he still wasn't completely convinced. "Oh, yeah... I dunno, Babsie, it still sounds like a snow job to me..." "Well, not to me, Buster," Mary replied, quickly setting up her mini video playback system. "I was there at the press conference! See for yourself." She activated the play button, and before the bunnies' eyes, there was the head of the Board of Regents announcing that in fact, what Plucky had said was true. After the tape had run its course, Mary asked, "There. Are you convinced *now*?" "I don't *believe* it," Buster said, although now he was more in a mild state of shock. Not so much from the news about Roddy; rather, it was from the fact that Plucky had, for once in his life, been _right_ about something! -0- "Mom?" Ruby asked, as she contritely made her way down the stairs and joined Rhonda in the living room. "I... I'm sorry about that little temper tantrum..." "I know, dear," Rhonda smiled, flipping through the channels on the TV set, settling on the K-ACME news. "It can't be easy suffering with the 'Bad Girl Syndrome' all the time. Well, no reason we can't _both_ be depressed at once. Wanna watch the news?" "If that's how you wanna get your jollies," Ruby smiled back as Mary Melody appeared on screen. "Our top story tonight: Perfecto Prep appoints a new Dean. Ending weeks of speculation after the sudden resignation of Dean Rusque, the Board of Regents announced that it has selected Roderick Rat to head the school. This makes Roderick the youngest administrator in the history of Perfecto Prep..." Ruby and Rhonda just stared at the screen. Finally, Ruby said, "Mom?" "Yeah?" "Remember how you kept telling me Roddy wouldn't amount to anything?" "Uh-huh..." "You were right," Ruby said flatly. -0- Meanwhile, in another section of Acme Acres, another educator was going through a crisis of her own. "Oh, man," Lola Bunny sighed, as she ran a paw through her blonde locks and studied the schedule for the upcoming Acme Loo school year with one eye, while looking after her daughter Bethany with the other. "I'll _never_ have the energy to teach _all_ these classes! Maybe Petunia had the right idea after all... Hey, there's a thought!" Quickly, she reached for her phone, dialed a number and patiently waited until she got a response. "Hi, Petunia? Lola..." At the other end of the phone, Petunia Pig listened intently while the bunny poured out her troubles. "Gosh, I'd like to, Lola, but the beauty parlor's just taken off through the roof. I don't know when I'd be able to find the time." "Okay, well, sorry to have bothered you..." "No problem..." A brainstorm hit the pig at that moment. "Hey, wait a second, Lola..." "You're reconsidering?" "No, but if you need a 'second', I _think_ I know someone who could do the job..." Petunia said. "And she just graduated..." You could literally see the light bulb going on over Lola's head at that moment. "You mean Rhubella?" "Who else? She'd be perfect!" "Of COURSE!" Lola smiled. "I don't know why I didn't think of her to begin with! Thanks, Petunia..." "Anytime. 'Bye!" "Bye!" Hurriedly, Lola dialed Ruby's number and hoped she didn't get it wrong. At the other end this time, Rhonda answered. "Hello? Oh, hi, Lola. Wha... Ruby? Yes, she's here. One moment, I'll ask..." She cupped her paw over the receiver. "Ruby? You feel like talking to Lola?" "Lola? Sure," Rhubella shrugged as Rhonda handed her the phone. "Hi, Coach, what's new?... Uh-huh... Go on... Well, I guess I could use the experience... Have you talked it over with Bugs yet? Well, do that now, and get back to me... Right. I'll wait... 'bye..." Ruby hung up and turned to Rhonda. "Mom, you won't believe this..." -0- "Well, Dean Rat, get acquainted with your office," Leona purred. Roddy was certainly familiar enough with it, but this was the first time he'd be in the driver's seat. He settled back in the cushy leather-bound chair and turned around to view the campus from this new perspective. "Sorta gives you a feeling of power, doesn't it?" "I have to admit, it does," he chuckled. "So, do I get to pick and choose my office staff?" "As you wish," Leona smiled, batting her eyelashes seductively. "Here," she said, reaching for a button on Roddy's desk. "Let's do something about those drapes..." Pressing said button, the drapes automatically closed. "And that door, while we're at it..." Pressing yet another button, the office doors closed shut and automatically locked. "Hey, that's handy..." Roddy chuckled further. Looking up, he noticed a surveillance camera. "When did they put _that_ in?" "Beats me," Leona shrugged, causing her shoulder straps to slide down. "Allow me..." So saying, she pressed yet another button, and they watched in dismay as the camera fell to pieces on the carpet! "Hmmm... not quite the desired effect..." she mused. "Well, at least I won't lack for privacy," Roddy chortled, still not catching on. "Any other surprises?" "Just one," Leona smiled suggestively; and before Roddy knew what was happening, she'd hopped in his lap and started kissing him with a passion he'd never experienced before from any other girl, and that included Rhubella. He briefly allowed himself the luxury of returning the kiss before coming to his so-called senses. "HEY!" Roddy said suddenly, breaking off the kiss, leaving Leona looking slightly disappointed. "What gives? I've _got_ a girl, thank you..." "Only _one_? Gee, that's not what _I_ heard..." she hinted. "Yeah, well, don't believe _everything_ you hear, sister!" Roddy warned her. "Try not to do that again, okay?" "Oh... okay," Leona said, looking hurt. "And you can knock off the hurt act, too. I've seen it done before by experts." If anything, Leona knew when to take a hint. "Very well, Dean Rat," she replied in a more businesslike tone, straightening her shoulder straps, "if that's the way you want it..." "It is," Roddy nodded. Then, a small smile crossed his lips. "Mind you, you _did_ peak my interest there for a second, heh heh... but only for a second... Look, Leona, if you're going to work for me, it's gotta be strictly _business_, okay? Unless you don't mind working for a corpse, that is..." "How's that again?" "My previously mentioned girl..." "Okay," she answered. "I guess I can live with that." "Good. I'll see you first Monday in September, then..." -0- Bugs was spending a quiet day with Honey when his phone rang. "I t'ought I took dat t'ing off da hook... oh, well, might as well answer it... Eh, Bugs Bunny, star of stage, screen, TV, video, and... oh, it's you, Lola." He winked at Honey as if he were about to commit some sort of deviltry. "Eh, what's up, _doll_?" He held the receiver away from his ear as Lola spouted off a stream of what can politely be termed 'nasty language', and Honey, despite her upbringing, had to stifle her shocked laughter at Lola's colorful use of English, which could be heard clear throughout the room! When he was convinced Lola had vented her rage, Bugs spoke into the phone again. "Gee, t'anks for da English lesson. Honey enjoyed every minute of it!" he chuckled. Honey yelled defiantly, "I DID NOT!" "Well, tell me, Lola, now dat you're t'rough teachin' Bethany all sorts o' fun wit' language, what _else_ did ya wanna talk about, hee hee hee?" "OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH... darnit, Bugs, you made me so mad, I forgot!" "Sorry 'bout dat, but I couldn't resist..." "You could have if you'd tried," Lola remarked. "Now, the reason I called..." Calmed down, Lola told Bugs what she had in mind. "Hmmm... ya know, Lo, dat _might_ not be such a bad idea! You said yerself you couldn't possibly manage _all_ dem sports classes, and she coitanly has da credentials to take some o' da weight off ya... one moment..." He turned to meet Honey's questioning gaze. "Lola wants to hire Rhubella on as an assistant coach..." "Why, that's an excellent idea, Bugsy! We all know how much Ruby loves sports..." "True..." "And it'd keep her off the streets, away from the general public..." "Yeah... all right, stop dat! She ain't _dat_ bad!" Bugs returned to the phone. "Yeah, Lola? Sounds good to me, kiddo. I'll get da paperwoik outta da way tonight, and you tell Ruby she's got da job if she still wants it..." -0- As Roddy wandered past the shops in the Acme Mega Mall, he couldn't help but think about that kiss Leona planted on him. So what if it was all planned on her part? He had to admit that for a brief moment, she did peak his interest... He shook the idea off. He'd heard all the stories that had spread about him ever since Rhubella transferred to Acme Loo, about how he'd decided to play the field now that she was no longer a Perfectoid; what was worse, Ruby had heard the same stories. There wasn't a grain of truth to those tales, of course, and Roddy never did find out who started them; of course, he had to admit that he was just as guilty when he'd erroneously believed that Rhubella had suddenly developed a crush on Nigel Carrotte. He sighed heavily as he gazed in the windows, and then squinted when he thought he saw another rat's reflection besides his. "Hullo, Roddy, old boy," Nigel remarked cheerfully. "Hear you're moving up in the world..." Roddy didn't even turn around. "Hello, Nigel," he said sullenly. "Well, I suppose that makes a change from 'Whadda YOU want, Carrotte?'," the albino rat with the lavender hair shrugged jovially. "Let me guess, trouble with women?" "How did you...?" Roddy sighed. "It's written all over your face, old bean, and I _do_ mean that literally!" Roddy stared hard at his reflection in the shop window, and sure enough, telltale traces of Leona's hot pink lipstick were all over him. "EEEP!" Roddy shrieked. "What'll I do?" "Confidentially, if I were you, Roddy, I'd try destroying the evidence. Follow me," Nigel suggested... -0- "... So there you have it," Roddy said, finishing up his tale while drying off the last of the soap off of his face. "What do you think I should do?" Nigel leaned against the bathroom wall and thought. "I'll forego the usual smartaleck answers this time and get right to it," the Brit declared. "Did you enjoy this kiss from... Leona, was it?" "The truth? I'm not sure..." "Oh, blimey, that's the first sign of trouble," Nige pondered. "If you aren't sure, then odds are you probably _did_, whether you want to admit it to yourself or not!" Roddy fixed his gaze on Nigel as if he were full of it. "Mind you, that's not exactly an expert opinion; all I know for sure is, if I were in the same situation and RuBarb ever found out, I'd never feel the end of it, know what I mean, nudge nudge, wink wink?" Nigel pantomimed the swishing of RuBarb's claws slicing through albino rat. Roddy winced just thinking about it. "I... get the picture," Roddy muttered weakly. "You've never been on the receiving end of Ruby's temper, have you?" "Ah yes, what was the phrase you used... rabid Rottweiler? No, old fellow, I can't say that I have, and you have my sympathy," Nigel said, and it was hard for Roddy to tell if he was being sincere or not. "I guess we could both trade old war stories about being 'on the receiving end', eh?" Roderick considered this, and chuckled. "I guess we could at that, Nigel!" -0- Later that evening, Ruby and Roddy met for dinner at Carrotte's. As they were seated, they could hear various vintage British pop tunes being played in the background, quite a change from the stuffy string quartets or lounge lizard pianos one would hear when the place used to be Milleway's. "Well, you've gotta give 'em points for atmosphere," Roddy noted. "So, babe, I guess you heard about my, er, promotion by now..." "I believe I _did_ hear something along those lines," Rhubella yawned, then smiled. "Congratulations." "You know, babe, now that I'm dean, I get to hire my own staff..." he hinted _way_ too obviously. "Do you? How nice... oh wait a minute, here comes our waitress..." Ruby looked up to see... "MOM?!? I thought..." "I know, dear, but one of the regulars came down with the Taiwan Flu, so I'm filling in for her tonight. Anyway, I gotta go through this whole spiel now, so pardon me..." Rhonda rattled off the Carrotte's bill of fare with the same technique she'd once used when describing the finer points of acquiring rental property, or showing a prospective client around a house. "...And here are your menus. Enjoy your meals!" Rhubella couldn't resist bursting into a spontaneous round of applause after that, which caused Roddy to bury his head in his hands and Rhonda to roll her eyes upward. "Oh... er... sorry," Ruby said, completely embarrassed. "Don't be," the strawberry blonde rat smiled. "Hey, lots of waitresses would kill for a compliment like that!" "Er, don't you mean 'waitpersons'?" Roddy asked. Rhonda glared at him. "Roderick, the day _this_ gal becomes 'politically correct' is the day I take a job with the Moral Majority! _Capice_?" "Loud and clear..." "Good... anyway, I'll be back in a few..." "No, wait, Mom, I've already decided. I'll have the Deluxe Dieter's Dinner with a side order of scones. Roddy?" "I'll have the Beef Wellington, with all the trimmings..." "Of course. And what would you like for an appetizer?" "I'm curious," Ruby grinned, looking over the menu. "I guess I'll have the 'Super Cheesy Scrambled Egg Salad'. Roddy?" "And this is the girl who's ordering a dieter's plate? Why not?" he shrugged. "Make it two!" "Two it is!" Rhonda said, retrieving their menus and heading back towards the kitchen. "So, babe, whaddaya say? Think you might be interested?" Roddy asked. "Um, gee, Roderick, it sounds tempting; but the truth is, I've had another job offer and I think I'd like to take it..." "Oh well, no harm in asking," he sighed. "So, where are you off to?" "Well, Roddy... oh, heck, you'll find out sooner or later, anyway. I've decided to take the assistant coach's position at Acme Loo..." She shut her eyes and cringed, waiting for the fallout. After a minute or two where nothing happened, she cautiously opened her eyes. "Er, Roddy? Did you hear me?" "Yeah, I heard you," he replied calmly. "Oh, here comes the egg... salad..." Roddy's voice trailed off slowly, and when Ruby looked up, she suddenly knew why. "'Ello, you two!" Nigel grinned as he set their plates down in front of them. "Ruby, yer mum told me what you ordered, and I wanted to see it for myself! Oh, hullo, Roderick." "Hello, Nigel... are _you_ a waiter here?" "No, not ordinarily, but one of the regulars came down with a case of the Taiwan Flu, so Mum asked me to fill in. Besides, a little pocket money now and then doesn't 'urt, now, does it?" "Look who's talking," Roddy muttered. "And why should *you* care what we eat?" "Well, Roddy, I don't normally make that a habit, I must admit. On the other hand, that there *is* my crowning culinary creation," Nigel grinned. "Page 86 of '101 Ways To Fix Egg Salad For Good'." "Speaking of egg salad, how *is* RuBarb, anyway? Heard she got hold of some pepperoni pizza by mistake and had a bad allergic reaction." Nigel sighed. "Well, Ruby, she's still recuperatin'. It was touch an' go there for a while, mind you. Doc says she'll be fine in a coupla more weeks." "Well, that's good," Ruby smiled. "More than you know," Nigel confessed with a sigh. "Otherwise, we'd 'ave to farm out her vocals." "Don't tell me, let me guess," Ruby giggled. "Miranda?" "You *did* ask me not to tell you, now, didn't you? Well, I'd love to stand around here chattin' you up, but I have other customers, so enjoy your meal," Nigel bowed briefly and went off to other business, leaving the Rats free to finally enjoy their dinner. -0- The following Monday, Ruby had just finished dressing for her meeting with Bugs and Lola when her mother's voice called out from the bottom of the stairs. "Rhubella!" "Yeah, Mom?" "Mail for you," Rhonda called out. "It looks important..." A split second later, Ruby raced down the stairway and grabbed the envelope as Rhonda held it out for her. "Perhaps I should have held it out on a pole," Rhonda mused dryly. Ruby didn't hear a word she said. She was concentrating on the large envelope now in her hands. "Oh, man, I'd forgotten all about that!" she berated herself. "Problem?" "Yeah..." Ruby's voice trailed off weakly. She'd totally forgotten that just a month earlier, she had applied for enrollment at the prestigious Pixel Academy. Unlike the other students at Acme Loo, she actually knew what she wanted to do once she'd graduated, and that was to get her certification for teaching computer animation. She'd heard that Pixel had the finest facilities and staff in the country, and so she sent her application in without a second thought, and then promptly disregarded it, secretly believing she'd never be accepted. "Why did it have to be now?" "I don't know. Bad timing, perhaps?" "I'll settle for that." "Well, don't just stand there, open it!" "I'm afraid to," Ruby confessed. "What if they said no? Worse yet, what if they said yes?" "Now don't be ridiculous, dear," Ronnie attempted to comfort her daughter. "You're certainly bright enough, you've got the talent for it..." "I know, Mom, but..." She looked again at the envelope. "I... I'm scared." "Scared? *YOU*?" "I know. Silly, isn't it?" "You're asking me?" "You're right," Ruby finally sighed, resigned to the inevitable. "Well, here goes nothing," she said, taking a deep breath and carefully ripping the envelope open. With trembling fingers, she pulled out the cover letter and read it aloud. "'Dear Miss Rat,'" she began, "'After reviewing your scholastic records, and based on the recommendations of your teachers and of the Dean of Acme Looniversity, we at the Pixel Academy are happy to inform you that we are accepting your application for enrollment, effective this September. Please take a few minutes to study the enclosed brochures and familiarize yourself with our schedules. We look forward to having you as a student here at Pixel. Best wishes, J. Dangle Punkley, Dean of Admissions, Pixel Academy, Boston.'" Ruby sat down on the couch and buried her head in her paws. "Oh, brother, what am I going to do NOW?" -0- "Well, here she comes," Bugs announced to Lola and Honey as Ruby trudged into the Acme Diner, where she'd agreed to meet them. "Eh, try to look a little less cheerful, will ya, Ruby? You're t'rowin' da whole scene outta whack, hee hee... hee..." "Bugsy..." Honey warned him. "Sorry. Okay, Rhubella, what's wrong?" "I... I'm sorry, I don't know if I'll be able to accept your offer," Ruby sighed, handing the envelope from Pixel to Bugs. Bugs studied it briefly. "Oh oh... I forgot all about dat..." "Don't feel bad, so did I," Ruby said. "And, well, I did ask them first, you know..." Lola placed a paw on Ruby's shoulder. "Hey, don't worry about it, Ruby. It's not like the world's going to come to a halt or anything. I'll survive." "You... you're sure?" "Sure," the blonde bunny smiled. "We'll just figure something else out, that's all." -0- As Ruby left the Acme Diner, she bumped into Roddy going the other way. "OOF! Sorry, Roddy," she grinned sheepishly. "No problem," he smiled. "So, babe, have you reconsidered?" "Well, yes and no," Ruby sighed. "Roddy, there's something I need to tell you..." Roddy could tell from the tone of her voice that this was serious. "Take your time, babe..." "Well, I'm not going to be at Acme this year after all..." Roddy pumped his fist in the air. "YESSS!... Er, I'm sorry, Ruby, you were saying?" "Um... gee, this is so awkward... Roddy, I'm going away." "Huh?" "I've been accepted into the Pixel Academy..." "Pixel? But that's in Boston!" "I know," Ruby muttered, melancholia dripping from her voice. "But... but why?" "I want to go for my teaching degree in Computer Animation, and they've got the best program," Ruby replied. "But... Boston? That's clear on the other side of the world!" Roddy protested. "Oh, it is not..." "Well, it might as well be," Roddy sighed forlornly. After an extended pause in which neither rat spoke, he finally looked her square in the eyes. "You're serious about this, aren't you?" "More than I've been about anything in my whole life, Roddy." "Isn't there... *anything* I can do..." "To change my mind? Not very likely. I'll tell you what you *can* do, though." "What's that?" Ruby held his hands in hers and smiled warmly. "Be happy for me, okay?" "O... okay, babe," he smiled resignedly, and hugged her closely, all the while thinking, "Who's gonna be happy for *me*?" "Hey, I won't have to leave for another month," Ruby said. "We still have until August before I have to go..." -0- "Okay, dear, are you sure you have everything?" Rhonda asked as Ruby and Roddy loaded the last of her belongings into the Prowler. "I think so," Ruby replied, going quickly over her mental checklist. "Yep, got it." She paused, as if she was suddenly about to change her mind. Finally, she sighed, and said, "Oh, one more thing..." and planted a kiss on Roddy that made his knees buckle! Coming up for air, she said, "In case you still had any doubts, that should tide you over until my Christmas vacation." Catching his breath, Roddy gasped, "Doubts? Who had doubts?" "Yeah, _right_..." Ruby noted sardonically, before hugging Roberta. "You be a good girl, okay, Bobbie?" "Hey, don't go getting all squishy on us now, Ruby," her sister remarked. "That's the sort of thing that killed 'Dull House'." "Really? I thought it was the Molson twins," Ruby snickered. "Okay, if you insist..." Finally, she saved the last hug for Rhonda. "I'll miss you, Mom," she whispered tearfully. "Not while there's email, you won't," Rhonda chuckled. "Oh yeah, that's right," Ruby remembered, wiping her eyes and laughing. "Well, I guess that's it, then. I'll call you when we get there." "We'll be waiting," Rhonda reassured her. "Okay, ready?" Ruby asked a fully recovered RuBarb, who was serving as her tour guide and co-pilot for the trip. "Ready!" replied the feline. "Um, you guys wanna lift the backdrop?" Roddy and Rhonda felt around the base of the sidewalk until they found the bottom, and raised the scenery just enough for the Prowler to pass through. "Bye!" Ruby said, as the car passed underneath the backdrop, and with one last look in her rearview mirror, she started on her next great adventure. "99 bottles of... oh, heck, we're here already," she noted with some disappointment as the Prowler found itself on the main streets of Boston. "That's the thing about being a toon that I could never get used to," Rue noted sourly. "This tends to save time on those road trips, but it does take all the fun out of them." "Or the boredom," Ruby sighed. "Well, look over that map and tell me where to go... WAIT!" she shrieked suddenly. "Let me rephrase that!" "Darn," RuBarb muttered with a grin. "I was all set to tell you, too!" "*HA*, Ha, ha! Just read the map," Ruby ordered. Rue obliged her, studying the directions on how to get to Pixel, when something caught her eye. "Okay... hey, I know this neighborhood!" Rue declared. "If this map is correct, my father lives just a stone's throw from Pixel!" "Well, what are we waiting for? Lead on, Purrenstein!" "You got it, Rat!" -0- "Dear, were you expecting any visitors?" Millie Purrenstein asked her husband Harry as she looked out the front window of their Beacon Hill estate. "No," came the reply from the kitchen, in that basso profundo voice. "Do we have any?" "We do now," she giggled, opening the door. "Hi, Rue!" she called out as the Prowler parked in front. "Hi, Millie!" Rue called back. Curious, Harry entered the foyer and was almost bowled over by RuBarb. "Rudelle! This *is* a surprise! And Rhubella! What brings you two here?" "Sightseeing," Rue answered with a smirk. "So, what _really_ brings you two here?" "Well, daddy, I need to ask a favor..." "For you, princess, anything. Just name it." "Ruby just got accepted into the Pixel Academy..." "Really? That's marvelous! Fine school..." "And he's not just saying that because he's on the advisory board," Millie giggled. "Yes. So, what's the favor?" "Well, Mr. Purrenstein, my finances are a little tight," Ruby began, "So..." "So we were wondering if she could stay in my old room while she's here," Rue asked, not without a little trepidation. Harry chuckled. "Certainly, Ruby's more than welcome! I remember what it was like when I went to Perfecto. On-campus housing takes a big bite out of one's resources." "Oh, don't I know that!" Ruby concurred. "Thanks, Mr. Purrenstein." "Please, call me Harry." "Okay... Harry." Ruby looked at her watch. "Oops! I promised my mom I'd call and let her know when I got into Boston... may I?" "Go right ahead," Harry replied. "Phone's in the hall. Millie will show you where it is." As the two rats went in search of the phone, Harry addressed his daughter. "So, I heard you gave everyone a little scare back in Acme Acres there." "Oh, you mean the pizza incident?" Rue said sheepishly. "Yeah, I'm afraid I didn't look before I ate. How did you know?" "Your friend Nigel emailed me..." "Really?" "Yes. He was awfully worried about you, you know..." "No, I didn't know..." "Say, how did he get my email address, anyway?" he asked suspiciously. Rue tried changing the subject. "Er, um, ah, how are the Bruins doing?" "Rudelle, hockey season's been over for the last couple of months..." "Oh..." Meanwhile, having just finished her phone call to Rhonda, Ruby turned her attention back to Millie. "Thanks for letting me use your phone, Millie." "No sweat," the blonde rat giggled. As the two passed by an open door, Millie said, "Wait a minute, Ruby, I have to check my email." She quickly dashed to her computer, made a printout of the latest e-correspondence, and rejoined Ruby, a smirk on her face. "This should be good for a few laughs," she noted before they re-entered the main living room, where Millie held the email out to Rue, and announced, "*Ahem*! Excuse me, 'Fluffnums', you have a message from 'Stud Muffin'..." "Oh, thanks," RuBarb said quickly, and then stopped as she felt all eyes in the room focus on her. "Ah, ha ha ha, yes..." Harry continued to focus on Rue. "'Stud Muffin'?" Ruby eyed Rue questioningly. "RuBarb, shall I order extra pepperoni on your pizza?" "If you wouldn't mind," the black kitten grumbled... -0- As Ruby parked her car in the Pixel parking lot, she wondered if she was going to be ready for this. Sure, she'd seen the video, and read the brochure; but they paled in comparison to the actual experience. She took a look around at the meticulously plotted campus, with its three-dimensional buildings, and suddenly recalled a line from 'The Wizard of Oz' (something about not being in Kansas anymore). She gathered her wits and her papers, and taking a deep breath, strolled into the main building. On her way to the registrar, she passed a group of computer-animated students who took one look at her and snickered. Ruby ignored them and went into the registrar's office. "May I help you?" a computer-generated gentleman asked. "Um, yes. My name's Rhubella Rat and I'm here to enroll..." "Yes... have a seat," the registrar said, pointing to a chair in front of his desk. Ruby handed him her papers and sat down. The registrar looked lazily over the documents. "Hmmm... yes... well, these all seem to be in order, Miss Rat..." "Rhubel..." "We prefer not to use first names, please; too informal." "...la..." "Have you decided which dorm you'll be staying in?" "Actually, I'll be living off campus," Ruby confided. "I suspected as much," the registrar noted blandly. It was then that Ruby fell back on one of her old Perfecto instincts, which is to say: whenever possible, drop a few well-chosen names. "Yes. I'm staying with the Purrensteins..." At this, the registrar sat bolt upright and took notice. Ruby knew he would. "The... the Purrensteins? Not Harold and Millicent..." "The same. I believe he's on the advisory board, isn't he?" Ruby asked lazily, resting her head on one of her hands. "Eh heh heh, yes he is. Well, here's your student I.D. card, Rhubella, Feel free to check out the campus, and if you have any problems, see me anytime." "Okay, thanks... er, what happened to this 'no first names' stuff?" "Nothing, pay no nevermind to it..." 'Riiiiiiight', Ruby thought. She pinned the I.D. badge to her blouse and prepared to wander around the campus. As she left the registrar's office, that same group of computer-generated students took another look at her and snickered again. 'Oh, man,' she thought, 'this is worse than my first day at Acme!' She determined to just ignore them and go on her way. "Oh, man, dig that crazy 'cel'," one of them taunted her, a little too loudly. "Just visiting, right?" "You *wish*," Ruby snarled. "Hey, just so you know," a second one insinuated, "you really *don't* belong here." Ruby's response was to give him a pronounced shiner that sent him to the floor! "I belong anywhere I damn well please, thank you!" she growled. "And what's with this 'cel' stuff, anyway?" "Pay no attention to them," a female voice said from behind her. "They think they're so superior just because they're CGIs." Ruby turned around and found herself face to face with a computer-animated girl. "Hi, I'm Mellissa. And you're..." "Rhubella Rat, but you can call me Ruby. Now what's with this 'cel' stuff?" "That's their term for old-fashioned cartoon characters. You know, drawn on cellulose?" "Oh, right." "I'm afraid it's a built-in personality trait with some of them, which is why I call them CGIs, for 'computer-generated idiots'," Mellissa giggled. Ruby saw no need to comment; but as the two made their way down the hall, she could have sworn those CGIs were glaring at her with evil intent. She shook it off as nothing to be concerned about. She should have known better... -0- Later that day, Ruby and "Mell" (as she called her) were comparing notes on nothing in particular. "Wow! You know the Looney Tunes?" Mell asked in disbelief. "We studied about them in Ancient History class last semester!" Ruby couldn't help but giggle, resulting in a questioning look from Mell. "I didn't think it was *that* funny..." "Huh? Oh, sorry, Mell. I was just thinking how Daffy would take to being called 'Ancient'." "Not too well, huh?" "Not *too*..." She switched the subject when she saw the registrar approaching. "Oh, hello, sir..." "Um, yes, hello, ladies. Miss Rhubella, you didn't get your recorder yet." "My recor..." she started to ask, but was stopped short when he handed her a compact video disc recorder and a 5-pack of CD-RWs. "Oh! Thank you, sir." "Not at all. Every student gets one," he said, and then left before she could question him any further about it. Ruby looked over her latest acquisition. "Hmmm, you know, I'd heard that they were coming out with these things, but I didn't think they'd be this small!" "Eh, no big deal," Mell replied. "After a while, all this so-called 'cutting edge' technology starts to lose its edge, know what I mean?" "I hear *that*," Ruby acknowledged, meanwhile admiring the simplicity of the controls. "Looks easy enough..." She then popped a disc into the recorder and switched it on. "Lemme see how this works, okay? I want to send a video back home." "Sounds like fun to me," Mell giggled, before her keen hearing picked up something else. "Hey, wait a minute. Here come those CGIs again. Wanna do some snooping?" she whispered. "Mell, I was *born* to snoop!" Ruby whispered in return; and giggling to themselves like... well, like schoolgirls... they found a safe spot in the hall where they couldn't be seen. Ruby trained the machine on the unsuspecting CGIs, and pressed the Record button. She nearly dropped the thing as her ears picked up the conversation. "So we're all agreed, then, change is good..." one of them said. "It's not just good, it's *necessary*," another chimed in, subdued anger in his voice, and that shiner from Ruby still on his face. "Those old fogeys have had their day. Now it's our turn." "Spare me the rhetoric and get to the point," a third CGI hissed. "It shouldn't be that difficult to delete them," the first one said, just as calmly as if he were discussing the weather. "After all, they're only CGIs like ourselves, more or less. The Dean and that registrar should be easy to eliminate." Ruby and Mell exchanged brief worried glances, not believing what they were hearing. *This* was more than they bargained for! As Ruby kept her machine trained on the CGIs, their plan quietly being recorded for posterity, her eyes slowly changed color to a subdued crimson, and she had to stifle a low growl (which took some doing on her part). "Okay, then," the second CGI finally declared. "We strike at midnight... and they won't even know what hit them!" He cackled malevolently. "That is, if there are no objections..." The girls had heard enough. Nodding at each other, they suddenly emerged from the safety of their hiding place, much to the surprise of the CGIs. "I have one!" Ruby snapped viciously. "Well, well, if it isn't the cel," the first one leered. "It looks like we have spies amongst us." "Big deal," the third one snickered. "It'll just be their word against ours." "Not quite, Bucko!" Ruby shot back, pointing the camcorder in their direction. "It's your word against yours. Smile... You're on Candid Camera!" To the irritation of the second CGI, the other two did just that! "WILL YOU TWO STOP THAT?!?" he growled. "GET THEM!" "Ruby?" Mell asked. "What, Mell?" "***RUN!!!***" Ruby didn't need to be told twice. Once was enough... -0- Rhubella Rat had figured she'd been in some tough scrapes before, but this one definitely took the cake. All she could think of was getting to either the registrar's office or to the dean in one piece before those crazy CGIs got to her or Mellissa... She stopped briefly. Mellissa... where the heck *was* she? She looked frantically in all directions, but her new-found friend was nowhere to be seen. It didn't help that Ruby had only been here less than a full day, and had no idea where she was going. 'Damn!' she cursed to herself. 'I *really* should have paid more attention to the map!' Her ears picked up the sound of the pursuing CGIs. To her astonishment, they were only twenty yards away! 'Not too fast, are they?' she mused... and that gave her an idea. Quickly, she found a relatively safe spot to hide, opened up her camcorder, removed the disc and put it in its jewel case, opened up a fresh rewritable and put it in the machine. She quickly took another look and found, to her dismay, that they were now less than twenty *feet* away!! "I sit corrected," she muttered. "Well, Ruby, time to motor!" Having said that, and berating herself for what she was about to do – No. No time for that. In crisis situations, certain sacrifices had to be made... especially if it bought her some more time. She ran out into the hallway, and tried to drop her camcorder in such a way that it didn't look planned. As it hit the floor with a sickening thud, Ruby told herself that if she got out of this, the first thing on her to do list was to try and sweet talk Harry Purrenstein into donating a replacement. IF she got out of this. She had no time to look back to see if the CGIs took the bait. She figured they would. Villains always took the bait. That's how it worked in the toon world. As she continued her frantic pace, she passed right by the registrar's office. Without a second's hesitation, she double-backed, ran inside, screamed "HELP!" to a startled registrar and an equally startled Dean Punkley, and ran back out again! Exchanging troubled looks, they peered out the doorway and noticed the CGIs in hot pursuit. This was not good. And it looked like they were heading for the computer lab... -0- At that moment, Mellissa was sitting at her computer, typing up file after file with uncanny accuracy and speed. She didn't need to doublecheck the data; after all, she knew the information practically by heart. Finally, when the last file was finished, she compressed them all into a single zip file and transferred it to a floppy disk. She then removed the disk and waited, although not without some trepidation on her part. She really wished there could have been another way out of this; but she knew that there wasn't. Those CGIs were crazy enough to try anything, and only one thing would bring them back to reality. It was a shame it had to be *this*... Suddenly the door to the computer lab flew open, and Ruby ran in, still pursued by the CGIs. "Here, catch!" Mellissa shouted, tossing the disk high in the air. Ruby followed the instruction to the letter, making one of her patented leaps and snatching the disk in mid-air, in a graceful arc that stunned the CGIs into shocked silence. For all their computerized perfection, not a one of them could do that, and Ruby knew it. Ruby landed gracefully and stashed the disk in her pocket. Satisfied that the disk would be safe, Mellissa returned to her computing, seemingly oblivious to what was going on around her. "Mellissa," Ruby pleaded, "come on, will you?" "Sorry, Ruby," she smiled, and Ruby thought she saw a tear fall from her friend's eyes. "It has to be this way." "What way? What are you talking about?" Mellissa ignored her and continued her computing. The CGIs froze in their tracks and gasped as they read the data on her monitor. As the last line came on the screen, Mellissa deliberately typed one final bit of data: c:\sayonara.bat and hit the enter key. To everyone's shock, the computer program did its work, first deleting Mellissa, and then defragging the hard drive, permanently erasing her existence. "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Ruby wailed, but it was too late. Mellissa was gone. The CGIs were stunned as well. They hadn't intended for *this* to happen. True, they didn't exactly *like* Mellissa to begin with; but when one *talks* of revolution, and then sees the results enacted before their eyes, it has a sobering way of sometimes bringing one to their senses. "Good Pentium," one of them whispered, "what were we thinking?" Her tears falling freely, Ruby slowly made her way to the computer and, after bringing up the sayonara batch file, deleted it and defragged the hard drive again. "You're... better off without a command like that," she said icily, just as the registrar and Dean Punkley burst into the lab. "What is going on here?" Punkley demanded. "Mellissa deleted herself," Ruby replied sadly. "They drove her to it," she added, indicating the still stunned CGIs. "We found out they were plotting to take over the academy and wipe you out. Here," she said, handing her video disc to Dean Punkley, "is the evidence." She then turned her attention to the CGIs, but all she could do was glare at them. "Good Pentium," the registrar gasped. "Is this true?" The CGIs could only nod solemnly. "I'm sure you realize there will be a full investigation," Dean Punkley intoned sharply. "Rhubella, are you all right?" the registrar asked. "Are you *kidding*?!? The only decent one of you lot ends her own existence, and you want to know if I'm all right?!? NO, I'M NOT!!" she yelled, grasping her student I.D. badge, ripping it from her blouse, breaking it in half and throwing it at their feet. Casting one last telltale glance in the CGIs' direction, she added, "You know, in a weird sort of way, you were right. I really *don't* belong here. Not anymore." With that, she walked out of the computer lab for the last time and headed for her car. Once behind the wheel, she did the only thing she could do under the circumstances. She cradled her head in her arms and had a good long cry. -0- The days of summer, 1997 had wound down to September as the group of students assembled on the sidewalk outside Acme Looniversity, and even though they'd spent that summer together doing various summer things, on the first day of school, it was as if they hadn't seen each other in ages. They used the time to get reacquainted, reminisce about old friends who had since graduated, and in general, plan what sort of mayhem they were going to pull to drive the faculty nuts *this* year. In short, it was business as usual. Miranda Mink, RuBarb, Lizbeth Carrotte, Emily Bunny and Robin Rabbit greeted the day with a mixture of rejoicing and regret; rejoicing, that they were back together for one more year, and regret, that their friend/colleague/ acknowledged leader Rhubella was no longer with them. From now on, it would be up to them to carry the Acme Loo standard of riotous disobedience without her. But then again, how hard could _that_ be? The quintet strolled unconsciously to the teachers' parking lot. Rue let out a sigh that seemed to speak for all of them. The other four sighed in unison. "I know what you mean," Robin stated. "Without Ruby here, we might as well - yeesh - *study!*" "Get out of town," Rue remarked. "We can do just fine, girls. After all, we learned from the best, right?" The rest of them were quick to agree. Miranda pointed to a sign. "'Assistant coach'? Lola's getting an assistant this year after all?" "Yeah, from what she told me," Lizzy said. "This past year practically drained her, poor thing! She told Bugs that she either needed to get a second- in-command to take some of the load off her, or she was going to go stark ravin' cuckoo! Too many sports, and only one Lola. Plus, she really missed her quality time with Bethany," she added sympathetically. The quintet were still in the assistant coach's spot, facing the wall, when they heard a car pull up behind them and come to a sudden stop. The driver leaned hard on the horn, and they took that as a cue to get out of the way pronto. As they did, they heard her say, "Thanks for saving my spot, you guys!" The same wide-eyed look of disbelief came over all of them at that exact moment. As one, the fivesome turned around slowly, and gasped as they saw a now-familiar car pull into the parking area. A purple Plymouth Prowler. Miranda was the first to identify the driver. "RHUBELLA!" she screamed joyously, and the gang rushed to greet their old comrade. "Hey guys, heard you missed me; well, I'm back," Ruby grinned... -0- Likewise, over at Perfecto Prep, it was the first day of school (or what could loosely be termed school) as well, and the first day on the job for the new Dean. He plopped down in his padded chair, swiveled around, enjoying the spoils of office, and promptly flew out onto the floor. Shaking it off, he crawled up to the desk and pressed a big red button. "DANFORTH!!!" he shouted irritably. "Yes, Roddy?" Danforth Drake answered as he entered the office. "Remind me to get a seat belt put on this thing! And _WHEN_ am I going to get an INTERCOM?!? I'm getting Carpal Tunnel pushing this stupid button!!" "I believe you have to fill out a requisition form," Danforth replied. "You'll find one in your desk drawers, left hand side." Roddy opened the drawer and pulled out a document that was the size of the New York telephone directory. He cast a doleful glance at it. "Let me guess... the requisition form?" "Um-hmm," Danforth nodded. "Geez, I could go Carpal just filling out the *form*," Roddy lamented. "Well, this'll make for an evening of light reading, I suppose. And speaking of filling out forms, I'm s'posed to have a secretary, aren't I?" "Thank you, Mr. Politically Incorrect." "Ha ha, Danforth. That's not what I meant and you know it..." "Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight..." Danforth peered out the door. "Oh, wait a min... Er, Roddy..." "What?" Danforth blinked twice and pointed. "Her? You've hired _her_ as your secretary?" "Yeah, so?" "Oh, er, nothing... I guess..." Danforth muttered as Leona Lioness made her entrance. "Good morning, Leona." "Uh-huh. Morning, boss." "Morning. You're five minutes late." "So? You've never been worried about that before, Roddy." "Yeah, but I was never Dean before, either," he noted. "Why are you so late, anyway?" Danforth made the mistake of asking. "I was getting my nails done," Leona replied lazily. "Painted?" the drake chuckled. Leona replied, "Sharpened," and brought her claws a half inch from Dan's beak. "Is there a problem?" "Ulp! None at all..." "All right, knock it off, you two," Roddy ordered. "You _still_ haven't got your intercom yet?" Leona asked incredulously, spotting the sparse arrangement of items on Roddy's desk. "Let me take care of that for you," she smiled smugly, reaching over to Roddy's phone and picking up the receiver. She dialed a number and waited patiently for a response. "Hello?" "*ROAR!!!*" she bellowed, and hung up. Within five seconds, there came a knock on the door. "Open the door, Danforth." Danforth did as she suggested. A trembling hand reached through the opening, handed him a box, and quickly got away. Danforth opened the box and saw a brand new intercom system. Amazed, he and Roddy asked, "How...?" Leona winked. "You have to know how to speak the lingo. I'll be in my office if you need me, boys," she said, and left without so much as an authorization. After a performance like that, she didn't need one. Danforth gazed, stupefied, as she left. "She has her own office?" Roddy cackled, "She does _now_!" -0- "So, you're our assistant coach, huh?" Emily asked Ruby cheerfully. "Yep," the rat grinned. "Part-time, of course." "Why only part-time?" Robin asked. "Studies, of course. I'm not just a teacher here, I'm also a client... er, student," she corrected herself. "Again?" the group asked, bewildered. "Yeah, if I want to get the credits I need for teaching Computer Animation; and to tell you the truth, the Pixel Academy was just... well... *BORING!*" She smiled, and added, "And, to be honest, I really missed you guys; so it looks like you're going to be stuck with seeing me here one way or the other." Ruby looked at her watch. "Oops! Time for the yearly ritual to begin," she added. "Auditorium, anyone?" The group replied, in perfect unison, "No thanks, we already *had* breakfast." After a beat and a brief sideways glance to nobody, Ruby said, "You guys are really getting _good_ at this..." -0- "Hey, Ruby, you still here?" Bugs asked, as he found her in the Acme Loo computer lab. "Yeah," she replied absently. "Listen, I hoid from Dean Punkley about what happened up at Pixel. I'm sorry..." "Well, thanks, Bugs..." "He said dose CGIs have been completely reprogra--" "Bugs, if you don't mind, I'd rather not know, okay?" Ruby managed to say through gritted teeth. "I really just want to forget the whole thing." "Oh, sorry," he replied softly. Then, peering in closely, he asked, "Eh, so whatcha doin', anyways?" "A... friend of mine gave me this zip file, and my PC doesn't have the memory to open it, so I thought I'd use one of these... if that's all right with you..." "Sure, knock yerself out, kiddo," Bugs smiled. "Mind if I watch? I've always wondered how you go about doin' dat, anyways." "Be my guest," Ruby smiled. The computer did its work, unpacking files like crazy, finally ending with the notation: To finish unloading, type surprise.exe "I wonder what it could be?" Ruby wondered. "Well, here goes." She typed the command and pressed 'enter'. She watched, annoyed, as the file lines ran down the screen in reverse order and disappeared, until the whole screen was blank. "What the hey?" Ruby growled. "Eh, Ruby," Bugs suggested, "ya might wanna toin around..." "What for?" she simmered, but did as he suggested. Her eyes went wide as a familiar form materialized seemingly out of thin air. "Hey, Ruby," Mellissa smiled. "Surprise..." "What da heck is goin' on here?" Bugs asked, more than slightly taken aback. "And just who is *dis*?" Rhubella was just as surprised as he was, but for altogether different reasons. "Bugs, you remember I was telling you about my friend from Pixel, Mellissa?" The hare nodded. "Well, this is her... I think... um, you aren't some sort of a hologram, are you?" "Nope, it's really me," giggled the computer generated girl standing before Ruby and Bugs. "In the... er, um... well, I guess you really can't call it flesh, now, can you?" "Er, no, I guess you can't," Ruby agreed, making the customary introduction. "Mellissa, Bugs Bunny. Bugs, Mellissa." "Pleased ta meet ya," Bugs grinned. "Likewise, I'm sure." "So, Mell, what exactly was on that disk you gave me, anyway?" "Oh, *come*, now! Honestly, if you can't figure *that* out, Ruby, you'll *never* get your degree! By the way, don't expect me to help you with your homework..." "And that's the thanks I get for rescuing you," Ruby giggled. "Bugs, tell her I wouldn't do that!" "I would, but how do *I* know ya wouldn't?" "Ouch!" Ruby grimaced. "So, Mell, you were about to say..." "Oh, yeah. Well, you know that all us CGIs are computer code. Our equivalent of DNA, you might say. So, all I did was copy mine onto that floppy you just unloaded, and, well, here I am! Say, what did you do with that batch file I made up, anyway?" "Oh, you mean 'Sayanora'?" "That's the one." "I erased it and then defragged the hard drive." "Good! I hope I forget how it was constructed." "So do I," Ruby seconded. "Eh, pardon me fer askin', but would dis have anyt'ing ta do wit'..." "Yes, it would," Mellissa answered. "And I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't tell anybody from Pixel that I'm here, okay, Bugs? They think I'm permanently erased, and I'd like to keep it that way, if you wouldn't mind." Bugs shrugged calmly. "Is it just me, or do da goils around here have more secrets dan da C.I.A.? Don't worry, dey'll never hear it from me, kid." "Um, Mell..." "Yes?" "You didn't put a copy of it on the disk you gave me, did you?" "Good Pentium, no! Once was enough! Which reminds me, where *is* that thing?" "Oh, it's still in the computer," Ruby said. "You want me to take it out now?" "You can try it, if you like," Mellissa cautioned. "The thing is, I might disappear on you." "What happens in dat case?" "Well, you can always run my program again," the CGI shrugged. "Just type 'surprise' and hit 'enter'." "Okay," Ruby said, seating herself at the computer, fingers poised over the keyboard, just in case. "Ready?" "Ready," Mellissa answered, a little nervously. "Here we go, then," Ruby noted, taking a deep breath, and ejected the floppy. After a few moments of silence, she asked, "Bugs? Is she... still...?" "BOO!" Mellissa gleefully shouted, scaring Ruby half to death! "YAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!! Don't ever DO that!" the rat gasped, clinging to the ceiling. "Sorry, Rhubella. I couldn't resist." Ruby eyed her CGI friend dourly. "I have a feeling you and Miranda are gonna get along great..." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Story Copyright © June 29, 2005 (FINALLY!) by Jerry D. Withers. (AT LAST!) All rights reserved. This is a work of fan fiction and is not intended to be taken in place of that... er, well... you've all had smooth, delicious cod liver oil, gang? [Apologies to Bob and Ray]. All characters copyright their respective creators as follows: Roderick Rat+, Rhubella Rat+, Buster Bunny+, Babs Bunny+, Plucky Duck+, Hamton J. Pig+, Mary Melody+, Fowlmouth+, Lola Bunny, Petunia Pig, Bugs Bunny, Honey Bunny, and Danforth Drake+ © 2005 Warner Bros. Inc. All Rights Reserved. Characters marked + are also Copyright © 1990-2005 Amblin Entertainment, Inc. Again, All Rights Reserved. The Perfecto Prep Regents © 2000-2005; Rhonda Rat, Leona Lioness, Roberta Rat, RuBarb Purrenstein © 1996-2005; Millie Purrenstein © 1997-2005; Harry Purrenstein © 1998-2005; The CGIs, Mellissa, J. Dangle Punkley* © 2000-2005 Jerry D. Withers. All Rights Reserved. (*-Name courtesy of Jack Kirkwood, whether he knew it or not!) Miranda Mink © 1997-2005 Jerry D. Withers from a suggestion by Zachary A. Zulkowski. Yeah, all rights reserved. Again. Nigel Carrotte and Lizbeth Carrotte © 1978-2005 Jennifer Cleckley. Emily Bunny (from "Rivals" and "What's Up, Duck?") © 1996-2005 KeV Beeley. Robin Rabbit (from "Welcome Back!") © 1996-2005 Colin Feder. As per usual, no claim is made on any of the copyrights mentioned herein [or stuff like that there]. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ BLOOPERS (courtesy of The J.A.M. [i_am_the_jam@hotmail.com]) : The second was when she hurled her valise with great force like a champion shot-putter. Fortunately, it landed just outside her bedroom door with a 'plop'-- [SMASH!!!] --She missed and it crashed right through the door. "Going a bit heavy on the barbells, aren't we, precious?" asked Rhonda. "CUT!!!" . . . "*These* days? Get that [BLEEP!] camera out of my face!!" Babs shouted. "CUT!!!" "What?" "You said [BLEEP], not [CENSORED]." "Do I give her a dadgum silver medal instead?" . . . You could literally see the light bulb going on over Lola's head at that moment. "You mean Rhubella?" "CUT!!!" "What was wrong with that??" "Nothing with you, Lola. PROPS!!!" Lola was wondering what was going on until a stagehand came by to replace the burned out light bulb above her head. . . . "Just one," Leona smiled suggestively; and before Roddy knew what was happening, she'd hopped in his lap and started kissing him with a passion he'd never experienced before from any other girl, and that included-- [THUD!!!] The two had fallen over with the chair. "...ow...." "CUT!!!" . . . "Er, don't you mean 'waitpersons'?" Roddy asked. Rhonda glared at him. "Roderick, the day _this_ gal becomes 'politically correct' is the day I take a job with the Moral Majority! _Capice_?" "Loud and clear..." "Good... anyway, I'll be back in a few..." "No, wait, Mom, I've already decided.........what were we talking about?" "CUT!!!" . . . "Mail for you," Rhonda called out. "It looks important..." A split second later, Ruby raced down the stairway and grabbed the envelope as Rhonda held it out for her-- [TRIPIT!!!] [KAWHAM!!!] The two rodent femmes were on the floor. "Perhaps I should have held it out on a pole," Rhonda mused dryly....and groggily. "CUT!!!!.....er...oh, I don't know...maybe we should use that for the final edit--" "NO!!!" . . . "Ready!" replied the feline. "Um, you guys wanna lift the backdrop?" Roddy and Rhonda felt around the base of the sidewalk until they found the bottom, and raised the scenery just enough for the Prowler to pass-- [SCRAPE] "CUT!!!" "Okay, now these kind of bloopers are getting REEEEEEEEALY OLD..." said Roberta. In the darkness, a jaguar chuckled for some obscure reason. . . . As the last line came on the screen, Mellissa deliberately typed one final bit of data: c:\sayonara.bat and hit the enter key. To everyone's shock, the computer-- --gave the blue screen of death. "CUT!!!" "I hate PC's..." . . . "Are you *kidding*?!? The only decent one of you lot ends her own existence, and you want to know if I'm all right?!? NO, I'M NOT!!" she yelled, grasping her student I.D. badge, ripping it from her blouse, breaking it in half and throwing it at their feet....and wondering why all the males were quietly turning away from her. She looked at herself-- "CUT!!! WARDROBE!!" "....ahehh...I thought this only happened to Janet Jackson..." she blushed, covering herself. . . . To finish unloading, type 'surprise'. "Now what the heck could that be?" Ruby wondered. "Well, here goes." She typed the command and pressed 'enter'. This program is not responding. Closing it will cause all unsaved data to be lost-- "CUT!!!" "Can we get someone to fix this?"