"GRADUATION DAZED AND CONFUSED"
by Jerry D. Withers (Furrball T. Cat) (sheplives@hotmail.com)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AUTHOR'S NOTES: What follows is not The Story To End All Stories, by any
means. It isn't even the story that ends The Rhubella Rat Saga, which started
all those years ago with "A (slightly) Monumental Decision..." and just kept
building until it took on a life all its own; although that *was* how it was
originally envisioned. After all, if you manage it right, even senior year
lasts only nine months. (Unless you're Plucky Duck, that is, in which case,
it could go on forever!) Of course, as we all know by now, once Ruby got her
turn in the fanfic spotlight, she just plain ran with it and wouldn't let go.
And who can blame her, really? ;D [For those of you who are taking notes, The
Saga *officially* ends with "One More Time...", although (as readers of the
Bloomin' Loonies/Akron stories know) it isn't the last we see of the Rat
Babe. Not by a long shot.]
   
Okay. Enough twaddle. It's time for Ruby to say goodbye to Acme Loo [for
the moment, at least]... and here's how it all went down. Let the show
continue...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                                      -0-

     On the last Friday in May, 1997, Rhubella Rat sat nervously in her
chair, along with all the other soon-to-be-graduates sitting nervously in
their chairs, waiting for the dean to call their names so they could accept
their sheepskins and hit the ground running. As they were still in the "A's",
it was going to be a while before they got to her, which gave her more than
enough chance to reflect on the circumstances that had brought her to this
point in time...

                                      -0-

     Ruby remembered it like it was only yesterday (although it was really a
Sunday night in April). She was chowing down Weenie Burgers with her pals
RuBarb and Miranda (since nobody was ever able to actually detect any meat in
them whatsoever, and since she didn't have a reaction to them, RuBarb could
safely eat them). "So, Ruby, have you decided what you'll do once you get
sprung?" Miranda asked cheerfully.
     "Naw, I'm thinking of either going into safecracking or being a second-
story man," she replied lazily. "I'll let the parole board decide." This
caused Rue to nearly lose her meal. "Seriously, though, I haven't the
foggiest. But hey, graduation's still only two months away. Let's not rush a
good thing here, okay?"
     "Okay," RuBarb mused. "It's just that things won't be the same at Acme
next semester without you there to drive the teachers nuts!"
     "Yeah, I know," Ruby reflected, "And that's why I'm counting on you two
to carry on my legacy..."
     "Of what, total disobedience to authority?" Miranda asked, wide-eyed.
After a beat, she added, "I think we can handle that, what about you, Rue?"
     "Oh, sure, piece of cake," the kitten acknowledged nonchalantly,
bringing a round of laughter at the table. Clearly the three were in high
spirits, and not even the sudden appearance of Roderick Rat could dampen them
as he made a beeline straight for them.
     "Hey, Babe!" he said.
     "Hey yourself, Roddy," Ruby answered. "What's with you?"
     "Yeah, you're acting like you just struck oil beneath the Perfecto polo
grounds," noted Rue.
     "I *wish*," Roddy sighed wistfully. "But this is almost as good..."
     "Well, let's hear it!" Ruby said impatiently.
     Roddy looked furtively around the room, and then said, "Sorry, Babe, for
your ears only..."
     "In other words, lose the baggage, eh?" Rue smirked sarcastically. "Oh
well, come along Miranda, we know when we're not wanted."
     There was a bit of hesitancy on the mink's part. "We do? We're not?"
     "Will you get going?" Ruby laughed. "I'll catch up with you two later!"
After bidding them farewell, she turned her attention back to Roddy. "Okay,
pal, what's so great that you had to banish my friends to the hinterlands,
huh?"
     "Well, you remember why you left Perfecto?"
     "How could I forget? The tuition was too high!" Ruby paused momentarily.
"Wait a minute. Does what you're about to tell me have anything to do with
that?"
     Roddy nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah. The board of Regents thought you
should be rewarded somehow for what you did in getting Perfecto away from
Bobbo and Monty..."
     Ruby raised her paw. "Excuse me? I had very little to do with that,
remember? That was Mr. Purrenstein's doing..."
     "Yeah, yeah, I know that, but you were the one who talked him into doing
it..."
     "Only because he can't stand Bobbo for some reason..."
     "Yeah, well, whatever. Anyway, the Regents pulled some strings and
decided to waive the tuition fee for you... what I'm trying to say, Babe, is,
you can come back to Perfecto and finish out your senior year there!"
     Ruby looked as if she'd just been smacked in the face with a brick.
"Huh?"
     "Yeah, I know, I had the same reaction..."
     Ruby took a deep breath, collected her thoughts, and started over. "Do
you mean to tell me that they expect me to just drop everything I've been
doing at Acme, all my studies, and come crawling back to Perfecto?"
     "No, of course not, Babe! You'll have a limousine..."
     "Um, that's not quite what I meant..."
     "Face it, it's not like you have any more obligations to them. You guys
already *won* the basketball tourney... and the baseball tourney... and the
Acme Bowl... congratulations, by the way..."
     "Thanks... I guess... Roddy, do I get any time to think about this?
After all, there are *still* some people at Perfecto who look on me as a
traitor..."
     "Aw, forget them! You did what you had to do at the time. But hey, you
don't have to keep slumming around with those Acme Loosers anymore if you
don't want to..."
     "Um... yeah." Ruby got up from the table, half in a daze. "Listen, let
me think about it anyway, okay?"

                                      -0-

     Ruby drove straight home, and after parking her Prowler, walked in the
front door like she'd either just read the worst fanfic ever written, or was
starring in it. Her mom noticed this immediately. "Ruby? Is something
wrong?" Rhonda asked.
     "Huh?"
     "Never mind, you just answered my question. Your room, five minutes,
lemon tea?" Ruby nodded blankly and headed towards her bedroom. Rhonda
sighed. Whatever was troubling her daughter must have been pretty bad, she
reasoned. Five minutes later, she backed through Ruby's door, carrying a tray
and a couple of cups. She found Ruby sprawled on her bed, face down on her
pillow. "Why does this feel like dèja vu all over again?" Rhonda sighed,
handing Ruby a cup of tea.
     "You'd have to ask Shirley," Ruby noted, after taking a sip. "Mom,
something's come up, and I... I don't know how to handle it..."
     Rhonda could tell that it (whatever it was) was pretty serious, so she
decided now was not the time for her standard joke about 'how many does this
make now - 8, 12, 315?'. "Okay, what is it this time?" she asked calmly.
     "Well," Ruby said, taking another sip of tea, "to put it as bluntly as
possible, Perfecto wants me to come back..."
     Rhonda swallowed her tea in one gulp. "You're kidding, right?" she
gasped (in between coughs).
     Ruby shook her head. "Uh-uh. From what Roddy told me, it's their way of
thanking me for helping them get their school back. Mom, what do you think I
should tell them?"
     After catching her breath, a warm smile crossed Rhonda's lips. "Dear,
you *know* what I'd tell them..."
     "Yeah, but you don't like to use language like that!" Ruby smiled.
     "True... Ruby, you're doing so well at Acme, why would Perfecto even
*seriously* think about asking you back now? And only two months away from
graduation? It doesn't make any sense!"
     "I know, Mom, and that's what bothers me about the whole thing. I could
see going back there..." This brought raised eyebrows from her mom, so she
continued, "... that is, if I'd done something so outrageous that Bugs would
have no *choice* but to expel me from Acme, but that's not likely. Not now,
anyway..." Ruby sighed. "This is what comes of trying to do the right thing?
I don't know what I'm going to do..."
     "You're not fooling anybody, young woman," Rhonda smiled. "Deep down,
you *know* what you're going to do already."
     "I do? I wish you'd let *me* in on it."
     "No can do, kiddo," Rhonda said, tossing her daughter a basketball. "The
ball's in your court..."
     "So it is... um, Mom..."
     "Yes, Ruby?"
     "Have I ever mentioned how much I *hate* clichés?"

                                      -0-

     On the campus of Perfecto Prep, Roddy was discussing things with some of
his friends. "Roderick, are you sure she'll even *want* to come back?" Margot
Mallard asked. "After all, we haven't exactly made her feel *welcome* since
she left..."
     "I *know*," he grumbled. "I've been meaning to talk to you about
that..."
     The pretty blonde young lioness named Leona smiled wickedly and pounded
her fist into her open paw like she wanted to do it to Ruby. "Oh, we'll make
*sure* she feels welcome, won't we?" she purred throatily, bringing a round
of laughter from the small crowd until Roddy stared them down into silence.
     "YOU'LL DO NO SUCH THING!" he barked, the red flaring in his eyes. The
group cowered in his presence... even Leona. "You remember what I did to
Danforth, don't you?" They nodded in fear and loathing. "I'm not above
showing the same... *courtesy*... to any one of you... regardless of
gender," he added menacingly, getting right in Leona's face. "If Ruby *does*
return, I want it known that there's to be a strict 'hands off' policy
towards her... or ELSE! *Understood*?"
     The small crowd gulped as one. "Yes, sir!"
     "Good... just so we understand each other..." As Roddy stormed off, the
crowd broke up. Leona walked a little way with Margot.
     "Margot..."
     "What?"
     "You don't think he... *means* it... do you?"
     "Leona, you don't know how he feels about her. He means every word,
believe me! If he says lay off, we lay off! He's not the 'King Rat' of
Perfecto without *reason*, after all." And with that, Margot headed off to
the hot tub. Leona watched her go, and then half-closed her eyes and narrowed
her brow.
     "Oh, he *means* it, does he? Well, your majesty," she whispered
threateningly, "you're *not* the boss of ME..."

                                      -0-

     Rhubella Rat was a bundle of nerves. But, that goes without saying.
Underneath that oh-so-cool exterior, she was always a bundle of nerves. The
kind of a girl who, it had been said, makes coffee seem calm by comparison.
And as the next-to-last Monday of May, 1997 rolled around, she was even more
so.
     One could hardly blame her, of course. Final exams tended to do that to
a student. Any student. Ruby had been cramming day and night for this moment.
She sat at her desk, as did the other seniors in her class. Finally looking
around, she snapped, "Hey, sit at your own desks, all right?" The others were
more than quick to comply.
     "Um, not enough caffeine in your diet, Rhubella?" Professor Daffy Duck
asked with a wicked grin on his face. Ruby slinked down in her chair.
     "Sorry, sir," she answered meekly.
     "Right," Daffy mumbled, unconvinced, and went to the assignment of
passing out the test papers. Ruby didn't dare glance at him. Ever since she'd
transferred to Acme Loo, it seemed Daffy had singled her out for the laying
on of grief. She was sure it had something to do with her foiling his plans
to ruin her pool party last fall. She shook it off and concentrated on the
task ahead; 'task', in this case, was an understatement. Daffy was known for
his wild sense of humor, but when it came to tests, he was all business. He'd
achieved a well-earned reputation for devising the most difficult exams in
all of Acme Loo. This was perhaps the only time of the semester when he
brooked no nonsense in his class whatsoever.
     Ruby knew why, too. Despite all appearances, this business of making
people laugh was a serious one, and nobody knew that better than Daffy Duck.
After all, he'd been doing it since 1937; three years before Bugs, and just
two years after Porky. Any and all personal feelings aside, she respected him
for that. Finally, Daffy handed Ruby her blue book. Ruby breathed deeply, to
try and calm herself, and waited for Daffy to finish his instructions.
     "...When you've finished, close your books and put them face down on
your desks. No talking to the other students at any time..." and here,
Ruby felt he was addressing her personally. "...and *no* cheating!" Ruby
almost took this as a personal affront; she'd never cheated on an exam in her
life, even at Perfecto, where such a thing was encouraged. Her parents, after
all, had instilled the idea of honesty in her studies from day one, and she
did her best to live up to that ideal. Daffy pulled some walnuts out of his
desk drawer and placed them on his desk top, and then produced a large wooden
mallet, hefting it behind his back as if he were waiting for the right moment
to strike. And he was, too. "Ready..." The students sat upright. "Set..."
The students grasped the front covers of their test books, while Daffy raised
the mallet high above his head. Then, with a fearsome *CRACK!!!*, he brought
the mallet down hard on the walnuts, shattering them into pieces, at the same 
time yelling, "*GO*!!!"
     The students immediately opened their books and began filling out the
answers, while Daffy sat down, eating whatever was left of the walnuts...

                                      -0-

     At the exact same time, down in the boiler room of Acme Loo, two figures
were huddling in the dark, looking over a map of the school. "Leonard," said
Leona, "are you *sure* this map is accurate?"
     Her cohort, Leonard Lion, growled quietly. "As accurate as I could get,
my dear," he replied in a posh New England accent. "Only, will you tell me
what we're doing here? I simply can't *abide* being in the same building as
all of these... peasants!" He literally spat the last word out.
     "Neither can I, dearie," Leona replied sweetly, checking her video
wristwatch to make sure her timing was right. "I suppose this does go against
the time-honored rule of 'no foreshadowing'... but then, when did *we* ever
care about rules?" She laughed evilly. "Did you bring... it?"
     "Right here, sweetums," Lenny smiled, handing her 'it'. Leona looked it
over with glee.
     "Niiiice... How did the Regents get a hold of the original?"
     "Shhhh," Lenny cautioned her. "Ours is not to ask, remember?" He then
motioned a claw against his throat for purposes of illustration.
     "Oh! Right!" Leona remembered. Asking about the Regents' activities could
be dangerous. "This will serve her right for betraying our school the way she
did," she added menacingly. Leona looked again at her watch and pressed a
button on the side. The digital watch face had changed into a small video
monitor, which was clearly displaying Daffy's classroom. She pressed another
button, and the picture zoomed in on Rhubella, who was finishing up the final
question in her book. "Okay, give me a hand," Leona declared, as Lenny hoisted
her up to the grate that covered the crawlspace. "She's just about finished...
in more ways than *one*..."

                                      -0-

     Ruby breathed a sigh of relief and closed her test book, placing it face
down on her desk. She yawned and stretched, and somehow, knocked her pencil
off the desktop. As she bent down to pick it up, she didn't notice the lid of
her desk opening slightly, just enough for a leonine hand to remove her test
book and carefully replace it with a duplicate. However, Plucky, who was
seated next to her, did. Quickly, the hand disappeared just as Ruby sat back
up. The duck blinked twice, and shrugged.
     Meanwhile, Lenny was waiting around nervously for Leona to return. The
grate beaned him on the noggin as she exited the crawlspace. "Ow," he muttered
irritably. "Watch that, will you?"
     "Sorry, honey," Leona apologized, brandishing the book like a diplomat
flaunting a treaty. "Got it!"
     "So, now that you have it, what are you going to do with it?"
     "I haven't decided yet," Leona remarked, thumbing through the book
disdainfully. "I hardly think it's any good to anyone else..."
     "My thoughts exactly," Lenny replied.
     "On second thought, you're right," Leona smiled, chucking it in a nearby
furnace. "Come on, let's get out of here... I hear someone coming." Her keen
feline senses *did* hear someone coming. Unfortunately, it was Pete Puma.
     "Heyyyyy," Pete said in that dopey voice of his, "just a minute, you
guys..." Whatever thoughts he may have had went unfinished as the two
Perfectoids ran pell mell over him, knocking him to the ground! "*OOOFF*!!"
Pete got up dizzily. "Make that a whooooole lotta lumps," he said, collapsing
briefly, before *his* feline senses kicked in. "Heyyyy.... I smell smoke..."

                                      -0-

     Daphne Duck knew what a taskmaster her hubby Daffy could be at times; and
she knew better than to be in his way - like whenever he was grading test
papers, for example. "Dear, why don't you take a breather?" she drawled
sweetly. "You've been at this since you got home..."
     Daffy sighed in resignation. "You're probably right, Daph. But, you know
me. I want to make sure these answers are correct... Only two more books to
go..." He checked the name. "Plucky. Why do I even bother?"
     "You want me to check his for you? That way, you can concentrate on the
last one..."
     "Yeah, why not?" Daffy smiled, handing her the book and a duplicate set
of answers. "Here you go, kid. Knock yourself out," he chuckled.
     "Not now, later perhaps," Daphne grinned. "Who does that leave you with?"
     "Um, let's see... Rhubella. (Sigh) Well, let's get this dog and pony
shoot overwith..." He turned to page one, and jumped out of his chair as if
it had been hot wired! "WHOA!!!"
     "Daffy? What is it?"
     "Why, that... I... she..." Daffy was flustered beyond words. Daphne set
Plucky's book aside and had a look in Ruby's book. Her eyes went wide, her
beak dropped, and the feather that held her bow wilted.
     "Oh, dear... Daffy?" Daffy wasn't listening. He was thumbing through that
book frantically, not believing what he was reading. It was the same on every
page, though. Finally, he closed the book with a slam and sat back down,
staring grimly at the wall. "Daffy?" Daph repeated.
     Daffy didn't answer. This was not a good sign...

                                      -0-

     The next day, students were crowding around the bulletin board, waiting
anxiously for the test results to be posted. "Cheer up, Plucky," Ruby tried
consoling the green duck. "There's always summer school..."
     "Oh, very funny, you," Plucky grumbled. "I just *know* I didn't make it
this time, either. Daffy *always* slips in a trick question to throw you off.
That's the way he is! I'll bet I know which one it was, too..."
     "Which one?"
     "'Which Chuck Jones film, never released, featured cameo caricatures of
Gene Siskel, Roger Ebert, and Stan Freberg?'" Plucky griped.
     "What did you write, finally?"
     "What, you think I'm gonna tell *you*? Just so you can rub it in? Nooo,
thanks!" he declared.
     "Fine, be that way," Ruby taunted.
     At last, Plucky reconsidered. He had to tell somebody, or he was going to
burst. "I wrote, 'Another Froggy Evening'," he muttered, almost inaudibly.
     Ruby took in a sharp breath. "That's *right*!"
     "It... it *IS*?!? Hey, maybe there's hope for the little green duck yet!"
     "Yeah, well, don't let your ego get ahead of your grades," Ruby kidded
him. "Speaking of which, here they come..." As she pulled Plucky out of the
way, the students parted as an armored car parked in front of the bulletin
board, and a bonded agent of the federal government posted the answers. The
students waited until he had driven away before crowding around the board
again, craning their necks to see if they were listed.
     "YES!!! 100%!!! Read 'em and weep, suckers!" Plucky chortled
triumphantly. As overbearing as he was at that moment, the other students
couldn't help but break out into wild applause. Mainly because it meant Acme
Loo wouldn't have to deal with him next year.
     "Nice going, duck!" Ruby grinned.
     "Hey, thanks, Ruby... only I didn't see your name on the list..." he
added casually.
     "WHAT?!?" she shrieked. Frantically clawing her way through the other
students, she literally climbed the board to see for herself. Darn it all,
Plucky was right. Ruby's name was nowhere to be seen. "That can't be..." she
said, unbelieving. "It's *gotta* be there..."
     After an uncomfortable silence, Plucky said, "Hey, Ruby, maybe Daffy just
forgot, you know how it is when you get to be his age, you start to overlook
things..."
     "Yeah, that's got to be it," Ruby half-heartedly concurred. Finally, she
shook her head. "No, that's not it. He took every one of those test books home
for grading. Daphne told Mom he was up all night going through them. No, there's
got to be another explanation..."
     While Ruby and Plucky wondered what that explanation could be, the
booming voice of Principal Bugs Bunny declared over the loudspeakers,
"Rhubella Rat, report to da principal's office immediately!"
     Ruby's heart sank. She knew that tone of Bugs' voice. Something was
wrong. Very wrong...

                                      -0-

     "Hi, Syl--" Ruby's half-hearted greeting was met with an icy "HMPH!" from
Sylvia, who buried her face in another Cosmeowpolitan survey. "--via?"
Silence. "I... I'll let myself in..." More silence. "Thank you..." She knocked
on the door to Bugs' office. "Bugs?"
     "Come in," he replied flatly. "We've been waitin' for ya." Ruby had a
quick look around and saw that there were three toons in the office. Herself,
Bugs... and Daffy.
     "Is.. is something wrong?" she asked weakly. Bugs and Daffy just nodded.
Grimly. "Does this have something to do with my test?" Again, more grim nods.
Daffy picked up a familiar looking blue book from off of Bugs' desk.
     "Does this look familiar, Rhubella?" he asked unemotionally.
     "It ought to," she replied. "That's the test book, isn't it? At least, it
looks like it..."
     "Open it up," Daffy said. Confused, Ruby did just that. Her eyes went
wide from shock.
     "Wait a minute... what the... I don't understand this... what's the gag?"
     "Dat's kinda what we were hopin' you could explain ta us," Bugs replied
flatly. "Startin' wit' why ya felt da need ta have, shall we call 'em, student
aids along the margins?" Ruby flipped through the book, not comprehending what
was happening.
     "But... that's *impossible*!" she protested. "Why, that isn't even my
handwriting!"
     "So, you had help," Daffy sighed. "I'll bet I know who, too..."
     "No, I didn't have help!" Ruby cried, suddenly realizing how that
sounded. "No, wait! What I mean is..." Frantically, she flipped over to the
question that she and Plucky were discussing only moments before. "Everybody
knows the answer to that is 'Another Froggy Evening'! Even *I* know that one!
Why would I answer 'Chariots Of Fur'?"
     "Beats me," Daffy shrugged.
     "I don't believe this," Ruby moaned. "This can't be happening..." She
flipped back to the first page.
     "I guess ya know dis means you can kiss graduatin' from Acme goodbye,"
Bugs sighed.
     "For how long?" she asked, close to tears.
     "Forevah," Bugs replied. "As of dis moment, you are no longer a student
at Acme Loo, and you will never be allowed to enroll again. Feel free to clean
out yer locker anytime..."
     "This isn't possible..." Ruby sniffed, before her teary gaze fell on the
first page. "HEY!" she shouted.
     "Oh, what now?" Daffy complained.
     "Check *this* out!" Ruby said, still sniffing a tear away, pointing to
where her name was written. "I *told* you that isn't my handwriting!"
     "Yeah, yeah, we've heard it before," Daffy mumbled.
     "Will you listen to me? PLEASE?!? The name in here is all wrong!!"
     Bugs took notice. "Huh?"
     Without waiting for an invitation, Ruby grabbed a blank sheet of paper
from Bugs' desk and his pen, and wrote her name. "There! I ALWAYS spell my
name with an 'h', remember? Now compare them. Where the 'h' is the 'h'?" Bugs
and Daffy leaned in closer to inspect the two. Sure enough, the name in the
book was spelled 'Rubella'. "Also, I'm right handed. The signature in this
book has a left-handed slant!"
     "So? You could've been faking it..."
     "You just need more convincing, don't you?" Ruby sighed. With that, she
grasped the pen in her left hand and signed (as best she could) her name
again. Bugs and Daffy stared at the result, which was an unintelligible
scrawl.
     "That looks like my last prescription," Daffy muttered. 
     "Ya know, I always *knew* dere had ta be *some* explanation..."
     "Shaddup, longears," Daffy grumbled, before turning his attention back to
Ruby. "I'm sorry, kid, but that really isn't enough to clear you..."
     "The evidence is stacked against me, is that it?"
     "I'm afraid so, Ruby," Bugs sighed mournfully. Suddenly the door to his
office burst open, and a charred Pete Puma stood in the doorway.
     "EeeEEEEEeeeee," he said, before falling face down with a *plop*.
     "What happened to him?" Daffy asked.
     "Prob'ly got too near a weenie roast," Bugs replied, and then halted.
"Hey! What's dis?" He grabbed the charred remains of whatever was in Pete's
hand and looked through it carefully, before motioning for Daffy to do
likewise, which he did.
     Daffy's beak fell. "Oh-oh..." He gulped in embarrassment, and went over
to the handy file of sound effects. He opened the file, and a crashing sound
could be heard throughout the Looniversity.
     "What was that?" Ruby asked, startled.
     "Eh... that was a stack of evidence falling down," Daffy replied.
     "Huh?"
     "Eh, see fer yerself, kiddo," Bugs answered. Ruby did, and now it was
*her* turn to drop her jaw.
     "That... that's my test book!" she exclaimed. "The cover's a wreck, but
the rest of it's readable... How did it end up like that?"
     "Good question," Bugs wondered. "Prob'ly da same way Pete did."
     "Ruby," Daffy sputtered, "what can I say? I... I'm sorry..."
     "So am I, kid," Bugs hastened to add. "Can ya forgive us?"
     "I'll *think* about it," Ruby said icily.
     Bugs smiled. That was close enough to a 'yes' for him. He pressed the
intercom on his desk. "Syl?"
     "Yes, Chief?"
     "See if you can dig up dat security video from Daffy's finals class
yesterday..."
     "How bout if I dig it up now?" the blonde feline answered.
     "Ho ho, feline," Bugs smirked.
     Almost instantly, Sylvia replied, "Got it, Chief. Any spot in
particular?"
     "Yeah. Focus on Ruby and when she finished her test."
     "Gotcha!" Sylvia replied, quickly cuing up the scene. "Ready to roll,
Chief!"
     "T'anks, Syl, we'll watch it in here." Bugs pressed another button, and a
huge painting on one wall opened up to reveal a flat screen TV monitor, which
Bugs, Daff and Ruby paid full attention to.
     "Hm," Daffy noted. "So, she's stretching and yawning. What's so unusual
about that?"
     "Usually we do that at the *start* of your classes," Ruby grinned.
     "Ha ha, very funny, ho ho, it is to laugh..."
     "Heyyyy..." Bugs sat bolt upright. "Syl, stop da tape... now rewind it a
few frames... yeah, right dere. I t'ought I saw somethin'..."
     "A puddy tat?"
     "You're a riot, Syl... Zoom in on Ruby's desk... okay, dat's good... Now,
play it in slo mo."
     "Right!" Sylvia did so, and their eyes went wide when they saw Ruby's
book being switched.
     "Well, I'll be bleeped!" Ruby said.
     At that moment, Plucky burst in. "Ruby, I forgot to tell you, I saw a
hand come out of your desk and switch your..." Bugs, Daffy, and Ruby pointed
to the monitor. "Oh. Thank goodness. For a second, I thought I was imagining
things."
     "My hero again," Ruby sighed sarcastically.
     Daffy pulled out his copy of the answers and thumbed through the book -
carefully. "Hey, whaddaya know? She *did* get the 'Froggy Evening' question
right!"
     "*Told* you," Rhubella replied defiantly.
     "I'm glad we caught dis in time," Bugs exhaled. "To t'ink we almost
dragged yer rep t'rough da mud for nuttin'..."
     "Well, I understand, you were only doing your job..." Ruby said, before a
gleam appeared in her eyes and a smile crossed her lips.
     Bugs knew that gleam. "Okay, Rhubella wid an 'h', what're ya t'inkin'?"
     "I'll let you know... Sylvia?"
     "Yes, Ruby?"
     "Can you freeze a shot of the books being switched?"
     "No problem," Sylvia answered, and did so.
     "Thanks, Syl."
     "Anytime, Ruby." Ruby approached the screen, studied it for a few
seconds, and then exploded. "A-HA!"
     Pete woozily revived. "What is the name of the Norwegian group who
recorded 'Take On Me'?" he said, before plopping back into unconsciousness.
     "When did this become 'Gyp-Parody!'?" Daffy asked.
     "The heck of it is, he's right," Plucky muttered. "What gives, Rat Babe?"
     "You see that ring?" Ruby pointed out. "That's a Perfecto Prep ring! And
I think I know whose hand that's on..." She paused briefly. "Prof, how did I
do on that test?"
     "Just a minute, Rhubella, I'm on the last one now," Daffy said, comparing
his notes. "Now I really *am* embarrassed," the black duck noted. "You got a
hundred percent also!"
     "YES!!! I *knew* it!!!"
     "Well, after we put ya t'rough da wringer like dat," Bugs grinned
sheepishly, "I guess da only way we can make it up to ya is to add yer name to
da list..."
     "NO!" Ruby said sharply.
     "Huh?"
     "Bugs... maybe your *first* instinct was right," the femrat smiled.
     "Dis is leadin' up ta somet'in, innit?"
     "Uh-huh."
     "Is it sneaky and underhanded?"
     "Oh, yes..."

                                      -0-

     Ruby decided to go for an early evening stroll to try and clear her
thoughts, although she already knew what she was going to do. The more she
walked, the more she knew she was going to do it with a conviction that she'd
rarely, if ever, had before. But for all she knew, Ruby couldn't have known
what was awaiting her in the Acme Park. There, in the giant oak tree near the
fountain, Leona was perched on a branch.
     With an anvil.
     Waiting.
     For Ruby. 
     "Just a little further," Leona mused. As Rhubella passed beneath her, she
dropped the anvil, which landed on Ruby's head and drove her pell mell into
the sidewalk. "Ooopsies!" Leona grinned evilly, climbing down the tree and
hauling the anvil off to one side. "Well, what do you know? Pressed Rat!"
Doing a quick double-take, she asked sarcastically, "What? No *warthog*?" As
an afterthought, she muttered, "I just *know* nobody but a Cream fan is going
to get that one..." Quickly she pulled the now unconscious Ruby out of the
sidewalk, reached in her pocket for her cell phone, and dialed a number.
"Hello? Mission accomplished. Send the limo!" She had barely hung up when a
long black stretch limo pulled up beside her. Opening the door, she threw Ruby
into the back seat, climbed in, and laughed maniacally as the limo sped off
into the night towards Perfecto Prep...

                                      -0-

     "Wha... where am I?" Ruby asked weakly as she regained some sort of 
consciousness an hour later. "*Who* am I?"
     Leona knew it wouldn't do any good to lie to Ruby (much) about who she
was; after all, Ruby was well-known around the Perfecto campus. "Hi, Ruby,"
she said, in her most engaging manner. "You had a rather nasty accident in
Acme Park yesterday," she said, stretching the truth only slightly.
     "I did?" Ruby blinked. "I don't remember... where am I?"
     "Don't you remember? You're at Perfecto Prep, roomie!"
     "Roo... roomie?" Ruby shook her head. "I'm sorry, I don't remember
you..."
     "Oh, dear," Leona sighed, acting concerned. "Leona Lioness, does that
ring a bell?"
     "No... I guess it'll come to me..."
     "Come on, you need to get some fresh air," Leona suggested. "Let's go for
a walk..."

                                      -0-

     Wednesday morning, Rhonda went to wake up Ruby, and was surprised to see
she wasn't there. "Hmm, she must've gone to school early," Rhonda mused. "Oh,
well," she shrugged, and went back in her room to get ready for work. As she
applied a light touch of mascara to her eyelashes, she looked in her mirror,
and saw through her lace curtains that Ruby's purple Prowler was still parked
in its spot. Rhonda did a double-take and looked again, then dashed to the
window and looked out of it. Ruby's car was still parked in its spot. Rhonda
sat back down on her bed and pondered this. "Well, *that's* strange," she
muttered. Throwing on a bathrobe, she went to her front door and looked
outside. The Acme Gazette was parked in its usual spot, in the rose bushes.
She retrieved the paper, and spotted next door neighbors Lillian Carrotte and
Daphne Duck coming out of their front doors.
     "Hey, Ronnie," Daphne drawled. "How's things?"
     "Not sure," she replied anxiously.
     "Something wrong?" Lillian asked.
     "Don't know," Rhonda continued. "Did either one of you see Ruby come home
last night?"
     "No," they answered.
     "Isn't she here?" Lillian asked further.
     "No, her car's still here, but she isn't," Rhonda fretted. "She never
goes to school without it..."
     "Well, don't worry, Ronnie," Daphne reassured her. "If she's at the Loo,
I'll let you know about it."
     "Thanks, Daph..."

                                      -0-

     As the day wore on, nobody at Acme Loo saw Ruby. Of course, at Perfecto
it was a different story. And no one was more surprised to see her there than
Roddy. As she wandered around the Perfecto campus, she almost bumped into him.
"Oh, pardon me," she said, excusing herself.
     "Yeah, no prob--RUBY?!? Hey babe, you decided to show up after all, huh?
Great! Welcome back!"
     "Well... thank you... I guess. Where've I been?"
     Roddy snickered. "'Where've I been?' Hoo boy, that's rich!"
     Ruby studied this fellow closely, like she should know him from
somewhere. "Excuse me, but who do you think you are to laugh at *me*?" she
snapped.
     "Wha? Ruby, it's me, Roddy... your boyfriend... your significant other...
we've been going together for years!"
     "You *are*? We *have*?" Ruby held her head as if she were suffering a
tremendous migraine.
     "Hey, babe, something wrong? Are you feeling okay? Can I get you an
aspirin?"
     "Huh?" She waved him away. "Oh, I'll be fine... Robby, was it?  It's...
it's just, if you are who you say you are, I should remember you..." Tears
started to trickle down her face. "I just... can't, is all..."
     Roddy frowned, then took her hands in his and pulled her close. "That's
okay, Ruby," he whispered. "It'll come back to you eventually," he whispered
in her ear as he held her loosely. "And it's 'Roddy'..."
     Ruby cried herself out on his shoulder, then wiped her eyes. "Thank you,
Roddy..." She then kissed him. "Listen, if I don't have any homework, could I
see you this evening? I'm staying over in Leona's room..."
     "Huh? Oh, sure thing. See ya." As she traipsed off to wherever the heck
she thought she was going, Roddy frowned. "*Leona*, huh?"
     "You called, Roderick?" Leona said as she approached him from behind.
"So, have you met the new girl in school?"
     Roddy eyed her suspiciously. "*Very* funny, Leona. Did you have anything
to do with this?"
     "I might have, I might not," she answered defiantly. "Look, you wanted
your precious Rhubella back here, I simply went and got her for you. Something
wrong with that?"
     "Well... yes and no..."
     "Sorry, Roddy, can't stay," Leona said lightly. "I've got to show Ruby
around campus some more, you know, try and refresh her memory? Ta-ta!"

                                      -0-

     Some time later that day, Leona, Ruby and Margot were walking through
downtown Acme Acres when they spotted Weenie Burgers. "What's *that* place?"
Ruby asked.
     "Oh, that's Weenie Burgers," Margot replied.
     "That's where all the Acme Loosers hang out," Leona hinted deviously,
seeing RuBarb and Miranda heading towards them. "Like this bunch..."
     "Now that you mention it, they *do* seem to lack class, don't they?" Ruby
asked, the Perfecto brainwashing taking effect.
     Needless to say, the disappearance of Ruby had been the key topic of
conversation all through Acme that day; so the girls, while relieved to see
her alive and well, were somewhat surprised to see her in the company of
Margot and Leona. "Ruby?" Miranda asked, approaching the Perfectoids. "Are...
are you okay?" The Perfectoids merely pointed and laughed at her derisively.
     "Get the *shrimp*," Margot snickered, joined by Leona. Ruby, however, was
unsure of what she should do.
     "Now, Margot, that's not nice," Ruby countered. "Sure she's short, but
that's no reason to make fun of her!"
     "You tell 'em, Ruby!" Miranda said.
     "Oh, be quiet, you little twerp!"
     "HUH?!?"
     "Now, because she goes to Acme Loo, *that's* a reason to make fun of
her!" Ruby explained further.
     Miranda stood frozen to the spot, lip quivering and tears forming in her
blue eyes. "B-b-but Ruby... I thought we were *friends*..."
     This brought even more laughter from the rat. "Us? *Friends?!?* You've
gotta be kidding!"
     RuBarb approached Ruby angrily. "Hey! What the heck's got into you,
Rhubella?"
     Ruby stared at her blankly. "Who are *you*? Oh, never mind, you've seen
*one* Acme Looser, you've pretty much seen 'em all, right, girls?" As Margot
and Leona joined Ruby in laughing at Rue, it was the kitten's turn to stare
blankly at the rat. "Come on, we've had our laugh for the day," Ruby said,
looking at her watch. "Time to get back to class. See ya, wouldn't wanna *be*
ya!" she called back at Miranda and RuBarb as the threesome split for
Perfecto.
     "Rue?" Miranda asked meekly in-between her blubbering, "What happened to
Ruby?"
     Rue was still fuming. "I don't know, Miranda, but if that's what she
*really* thinks of us, then who cares? Come on..."

                                      -0-

     Inside Weenie Burgers, Buster, Babs, Shirley and Plucky were aghast. And
not because of the menu prices, although that might have had something to do
with it. "She said *that*?!?" Babs snapped, outraged. "Why that little... And
to think of how we stood up for her..."
     "Easy, Babsie," Buster advised her. "There's gotta be a simple enough
explanation for this..."
     "There *is*," Babs continued to fume. "Ruby's a *fink*!"
     "Okay, maybe it ain't so simple... You gonna recover, Miranda?"
     "(sniff) Given time, perhaps..."
     Shirley looked around towards the front door, and saw a worried Rhonda
Rat entering. "You don't think Rhonda knows, do you?"
     "Don't know. Let's ask her..." Buster replied as Rhonda wandered over to
their table. "Hi, Rhonda."
     "Hi, Buster. Excuse me if I'm not all here..."
     "Like mother, like daughter," Babs mumbled under her breath.
     "How's that again?" Rhonda asked curiously.
     "She's rehearsing for a Dostoyevsky play... 'The Idiot'," Buster answered
cheerfully, receiving a kick on the shin from Babs for his trouble. "Ow! You
were saying?"
     "It's Rhubella. She didn't come home last night, and nobody's seen her
all day. I'm really worried..."
     "Have you tried Perfecto?" RuBarb asked sullenly.
     "You know I don't smoke..." Rhonda's remark was met with confused gazes
as she realized what she had just said. "Oh, you mean Perfecto *Prep*... No,
what would make you say *that*, RuBarb?"
     "'Cos we just saw her in the company of a couple of Perfectoids, that's
what."
     "Really? When?"
     "Not less than five minutes ago," Miranda sniffled. "She acted like she
didn't even know who we were!"
     "Was she as snooty as she used to be?" Babs asked, suddenly turning
oblivious to Rhonda's presence for the moment.
     "I don't know how she used to be, all I know is, she was just *mean*!"
the mink continued sniffling.
     "Hmmm..." Buster hmmmed.
     "Buster Bunny, what are you thinking?" Babs inquired.
     "Two things. First, not to make any more jokes about you; second, maybe
Ruby *wasn't* acting! Maybe she really *didn't* know who they were!"
     "Amnesia? Is that possible with toons?" Rue asked.
     "Oh, any good blow on the head could do it," Plucky replied. "Heck, you
get pounded by enough anvils and pretty soon, you forget which day is laundry
day!"
     Shirley started to slide away from him. "Which reminds me..."
     "Wait a minute!" Rhonda said, bringing the Toonsters to attention. "She
did say that Roddy told her the board of Regents was going to waive the
tuition fee just for her so she could come back to Perfecto... but she didn't
sound too happy about it..."
     "You think he has something to do with this?" Miranda asked.
     "Don't know," Buster said. "But I think it's time we asked him..."

                                      -0-

     "Buster, can I tell you something?" Babs asked as they hid in the bushes
surrounding the Perfecto campus.
     "Anything, Babs. What?"
     "Well," she reflected, "no matter how old I get, or how many times I come
here, this place *still* gives me the creeps!"
     "And speaking of which, here he comes now..." Buster nodded as Roddy
approached their hiding place. Only one thing prevented the two Bunnies from
confronting him outright: Ruby was with him.
     "It's a lovely night tonight, Robby..."
     "Yeah, and it's..."
     "Sorry. Roddy..." Ruby let out an embarrassed giggle, and then she froze
and held her head again. "AUGGGGHH!"
     Roddy gently wrapped his arms around Ruby and let her cry on his shoulder
again. He looked totally helpless, which came as a surprise to Buster and
Babs. "Oh, Ruby, what's *happened* to you?" he whispered in frustration.
     "Well, I guess we can rule *him* out as a suspect," Babs noted, just a
little too loudly, which caused Buster to wince, followed by Babs, who
remembered just a little too late she was supposed to be quiet. The next thing
they knew, the bushes parted, and they were face to face with Roddy.
     "Eh heh... well, fancy meeting you here," Buster quipped, half expecting
Roddy to grab him by his sweater and throw him halfway across the campus. To
his surprise, Roddy didn't.
     "Buster? Babs? You won't believe this, but am I ever glad to see you
two!"
     "You're right, Roderick," Babs chirped. "We don't."
     "Stop it," Buster advised her. "What's with Ruby?"
     "I don't know," Roddy moped. "She's been like this ever since she came
back here."
     "But, why would she come back here if she's an Acme Loo student?" Babs
wondered. "Especially if she didn't want to?"
     Ruby froze again, and Roddy was afraid she was going to suffer another
headache. "I... I'm an Acme Looser?"
     "If you care to put it like that," Buster grinned. "Hi, Rat Babe."
     "Hi, Buster..." Suddenly, it was as if the veil had been lifted.
"Buster?!? Babs?!?" She looked around anxiously. "Roddy? What am I doing back
at Perfecto? I shouldn't be here! Where's my car?"
     "Last we heard, your mom said it was still parked at your house," Babs
replied. "I think she's gonna be all right, Roddy, depending."
     Rhubella looked confused. "Depending? On what?"
     "On if Miranda and Rue accept your apologies..."
     "Apolo... oh-oh," Ruby blushed, suddenly remembering the earlier
incident. "I'm gonna have to buy those two a *lot* of ice cream..."
     "Knowing those two, I don't think they'll mind," Roddy snickered. 
     "But I don't get it," Ruby continued, as the cobwebs finally cleared out
of her head. "Last thing I remember, I was strolling through Acme Park, and
the next thing I know, I'm here talking to Leona..."
     "Leona?" Buster asked. "Who's she?"
     "Leona Lioness," Roddy answered slowly. "I'm sure this was all *her*
doing..."
     "But *why*?" Ruby scratched her head. "I've never done anything to
*her*..."
     "It's not *me* so much; it's what you did to Perfecto," came a voice from
behind them, and they turned around to see Leona, her claws unsheathed and
fangs glistening in the moonlight, making her way towards Rhubella.
     "Don't you just *hate* it when they sneak up on you like that?" Buster
asked.
     "Hey! I remember you," Babs said, the recognition kicking into high gear.
"Weren't you the one who called my sister Emily a shrimp in that exhibition
game last fall?"
     "So? What if I did?" Leona's voice was dripping with smarminess. "By the
way, how *is* the little twerp?"
     Babs' answer was succinct and to the point. "GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR..."
     "Nicely put, Babs," Buster noted.
     Meanwhile, Rhubella and Leona continued to confront each other in
ever-dwindling circles until they were almost within arms reach of each other.
"*You're* the one who planted that bogus test book, weren't you?" Ruby
growled.
     "So? What if I was?" the lioness growled in reply. "I'm the villain in
this story. What did you expect?"
     "Oh, of course. Nice forgery, by the way, except--"
     "Thank you... Wait a minute! What do you mean 'except--'?"
     "Well, for starters, you could have at least spelled my *name* right..."
     Leona paused briefly, a look of befuddlement crossing her features.
"You... you mean I got it *wrong*?"
     "Yeah, you left out the 'h'."
     Leona looked absolutely pole-axed. "I *did*?" Her arms went limp at her
sides at this revelation. "Oh no, there goes my perfect spelling record!" she
moaned.
     "On the other hand, look at it this way," Ruby continued. "It's not like
it was for a test or anything, so it doesn't really count..."
     Now Leona was beside herself. "Doesn't *count*?!? Are you *kidding*?!?
I've worked *hard* to maintain a perfect spelling record, and this ruins
*everything*!" Suddenly, to the surprise of all, she sat down and bawled
uncontrollably! "What's the use? I can't even be a *villain* and get it
right!" she sobbed, her head in her paws.
     Buster, Babs, Ruby and Roddy looked at each other in total confusion.
"Well, *this* was unexpected," Ruby finally declared.
     "I'll accept that," Buster agreed, just as Leonard Lion showed up.
     "What's with her?" he asked, equally perplexed.
     "She's just going through a bad spell, is all," Babs grinned.
     "WAAAAAHHH!" Leona continued, as Ruby handed her a tissue.
     "You're proud of that joke, aren't ya, Babsaloo?" Buster asked.
     Babs merely nodded quickly, the silliest of grins on her face.
     "You're hopeless..." The blue bunny turned to Ruby. "Rhubella? You
coming?"
     Ruby looked uncertain for a second or two... but only for a second or
two...

                                      -0-

     "Rhubella Rat," exclaimed Bugs, which snapped her out of her reverie and
back to the present. Focusing, she stood up and strolled confidently to the
center of the stage, where Daffy handed her her diploma.
     "Congratulations, kid. I always knew you could do it!" Ruby merely
smiled, nodded briefly, shook his hand, and took her place among the other
graduates. After the last student had joined them, Bugs stepped up to the mike
again.
     "Ladies and gentlemen, da 1997 graduatin' class of Acme Loo!" he
declared; and, right on cue, the students tossed their caps in the air,
whooping loudly in celebration as they did so.
     "And good riddance," Daffy mumbled under his breath.
     Shortly after the ceremony, Ruby joined Buster, Babs, RuBarb, Miranda,
Plucky and Shirley. "So, Ruby," Plucky asked, "what are you gonna do now?"
     "I'm not sure. I think I might try out for a basketball team," she
replied.
     "Any one in particular?" asked Rue.
     "I'm kind of drawn to the Seattle SuperSonics..."
     "Well, good luck."
     "Thanks, Miranda. And if that doesn't work out, I sent an application to
Pixel Academy in Boston... just in case."
     "Where?" Buster asked.
     "Computer animation school. There *is* more to computers than just
hacking and cracking, you know..."
     "There *is*?" Plucky asked. He suddenly felt six pair of eyes staring at
him. "Eh, heh heh... of *course* there is... yeah..."
     "Well, I'd say you're all set for next year," Babs noted.
     "Pretty much, Babs... you know, I can't help wondering, though... what
in the world ever became of Leona?"
     "Yeah," Buster added. "Come to think of it, word is nobody's seen her
since her meltdown... I wonder if we'll ever know..."
     "Or care," added Babs.

                                      -0-

     On the final Monday of May, 1997, Leona had been summoned to appear
before the Board of Regents. She no longer cared what happened to her, or
why they had summoned her. "So, Leona, we understand you wish to drop out
of Perfecto," one of the Regents hissed, almost tauntingly, as she stood
facing them at the end of a long table.
     "Yes sir," she mumbled meekly. "I've thought about it, and... well, I'm
just not the villain type."
     "Your sudden lack of confidence is most distressing... especially since
you showed such early promise. Well, no matter. Not *every* Perfecto student
has what it takes to be a first-class cad," another Regent noted.
     "No sir," she mumbled again.
     A third Regent thumbed through Leona's dossier. "I see by your grades,
Miss Lioness, that you *did* excel in, shall we say, non-villainous courses.
You have high marks in your public relations and secretarial classes... in
fact, except for 'Villainy', you've maintained an A+ average in every other
course..."
     "Except for 'Villainy'," Leona added mournfully.
     "And yet, you still wish to leave us..." the first Regent said. "Very
well, if that's how you wish it..."
     Leona gulped as she realized she was about to throw her entire academic
career down the toilet. Finally, exhaling a sigh, she said, "Yes sir," and
turned to go. "I'll find work somewhere..."
     "One moment, Miss Lioness," a fourth Regent halted her. "Where do you
think you'll find a job?" he sneered. The question made her stop and think.
Actually, that idea had never even crossed her mind. The Regent continued.
"I'll tell you where... *nowhere*, that's where!"
     'Darn it, he's right,' Leona grimaced. Nobody would hire a Perfecto
dropout; and returning home to the Veldt was out of the question. Whirling
around to face the Regents, she asked, "Very well, what's the alternative?"
Narrowing her eyes, she added, "And *don't* expect me to reconsider..."
     A few minutes later, Leona left the building to find Leonard waiting for
her. "You... you're really going through with it, darling?" he asked.
     "Yeah... I guess you're going to have to be the villain for the both of
us, sweetums..." she shrugged.
     "I can live with that, I suppose," Leonard said. "So what's to become of
you?"
     Leona smiled benignly. "How does 'Perfecto Prep media liaison' sound?"
     Leonard had to stop and think about it. Then he had to stop thinking
about it. Too much thinking made his mane hurt. "It sounds like a paid
position, that's how."
     "Exactly..." Leona smiled wanly, but if Lenny saw it, he didn't let on.
Either that, or he just didn't notice. 'Just as well,' she thought. Better he
didn't know that she had practically just sold her soul to the Regents for a
big fat paycheck... all for the purpose of bringing down one Roderick Rat...

                                      -0-

(To be continued...)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Story Copyright © December 5, 2005 by Jerry D. Withers. All rights reserved.
This is a work of fan fiction, and is not to be taken for a ride without
proper restraint. Some duct tape and a bungee cord should do it nicely...

The following characters are © 2005 Warner Bros. Animation, and are used
without permission: Rhubella Rat*, Roderick Rat*, Margot Mallard*, Daffy Duck,
Pete Puma, Daphne Duck, Plucky Duck*, Bugs Bunny, Sylvia J. Pussycat, Buster
Bunny*, Babs Bunny*, and Shirley the Loon*.
[Characters marked * are also © 1990-2005 Amblin Entertainment, Inc.]

The following original characters (followed by their creators) also appear in
this story:

Rhonda Rat, Leona Lioness, Leonard Lion, RuBarb, Miranda Mink and the Perfecto
Prep Regents created and © Jerry D. Withers. All rights reserved.

Lillian Carrotte created and © Jennifer Cleckley. All rights reserved.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BLOOPERS (courtesy of The J.A.M. [i_am_the_jam@hotmail.com]):

"Will you get going?" Ruby laughed. "I'll catch up with you two later!" After 
bidding them farewell, she turned her attention back to Roddy. "Okay, pal, what's 
so great that you had to banish my friends to the Netherlands, huh?" 
    "Well, you remember why you left---'Netherlands'??" he chuckled. 
    "CUT!!!" 

. . .

    "Well," Ruby said, taking another sip of tea, "to put it as bluntly as possible, 
Perfecto wants me to come back..." 
    Rhonda swallowed her tea in one-- 
    "PHHHHHHHHHBBBBBBBBTTTT!!!" 
    "CUT!!! What the [CENSORED] happened?" 
    Both rats spat out some more. "I think someone switched the sugar with the salt," 
gagged Rhonda. 

. . .

Then, with a fearsome *CRACK!!!*, he brought the mallet down hard on the walnuts, 
shattering them into pieces, at the same time yelling, "*GO*!!!" 
[CRASH!!!] 
...and unfortunately the desk also shattered, much to the amusement of the students. 
"CUT!!!" 

. . .

    "Right!" Sylvia did so, and their eyes went wide when they saw Ruby's book being 
switched. 
    "Well, I'll be [CENSORED]--I mean--bleeped!" Ruby chuckled, before falling on the 
floor, while the other toons blanched. 
    "CUT!!!" 

. . .

    "Just a little further," Leona mused. As Rhubella passed beneath her-- 
    [CRACK!!!] 
    "Huh?" 
    [CRASH!!!] 
    Anvil, lioness, and treebranch fell on the ratmaid. 
    "CUT!!!" 
    ".........medic........" they chorused. 

. . .

    Ruby cried herself out on his shoulder, then wiped her eyes. "Thank you, Roddy..." 
She then kissed him. "Listen, if I don't have any homework, could I----" She then 
smirked and planted a huge one on him, sending both toppling to the floor. 
    "CUT!!!" 
    Buster and Babs peeked in from off-screen and chided, "Copycats..." 

. . .

    "Eh heh... well, fancy meeting you here," Buster quipped, half expecting Roddy to 
grab him by his sweater-- 
    Roddy grabbed him by his sweater and planted a kiss on his lips. 
    "CUT!!!" 
    The rat released the buck and turned to the camera, laughing insanely, "Steven 
paid me 1,000 dollars to do that!!" 
    The frozen buck mumbled, "Uh...he's almost as good as you, Babsy!!" 
    "Sheesh, what's with everyone at the end of the school year???" 

. . .